Big Oops 2

Holla Babycakes! I’m sorry for keeping you ma precious pumpkins hanging for far too long! Do forgive and bear with my hang-ups, they totally couldn’t be helped! Good thing though, I finally got off of my ‘lazyship’ and I present to you wonderful people, the concluding part of my fashion mishap! I hope you like this as much as you liked the first part and thanks so much for the love; I feel extremely blessed to have y’all in my space! God bless and keep y’all, plus; y’all Rock Pieces! Don’t y’all ever forget that!  Mwah!

Arriving Church late…….yeah you guessed it! I’d missed out on some aspects of the service! Typical!

Often times, fate just has this very twisted and pretty uncanny way of pulling out some kinda terrible stunts on one, especially when one least expects!

For some inexplicably annoying reason; the back door of the Church auditorium was closed shut and that folks, is a mighty strange occurrence! Someone was definitely out to get me, that’s the only logical reason and I just knew it!

Perhaps, this shoulda been the part where my red flag ought to have gone up high, but like I said earlier; I just couldn’t and well, didn’t actually think that anything would go awfully wrong! I mean, lets face it, who thinks ’bout these things anyways?! The day gave absolutely nothing away! *sighs*

Usually, that door’s left opened so ‘late arrivals’…….like me, yup; you got that part right; can just easily and stealthily make their ways in, without incidence or the ‘danger’ of distracting the prompt and punctual faithfuls, who’d made it to Church in the nick of time and are being attentive to the sermon as given by the good Pastor!

Again, fate waded in and just had to get in the way on this particular day! So, I was left with no other option than to make use of the only other available entrance there was: the side door!

For all intents and purposes, I should categorically state here that the side door is one that once you made your way into the Church auditorium, at least; you’d be sighted by half the folks congregated for the service! That door places one at a vantage position, where one’s now ‘saddled’ with the arduous task of navigating their ways through a sea of eyes, as seated across different various aisles whilst meandering to reach the available seats at the back specially reserved for late-comers!  And that would be me…….. again! Well, whatever! Go tell it to the judge already and slam me with a gazillion pounds worth of pennies lawsuit while you’re at it for daring to run JUST a tad late! Who really wants to know like really?! Hmph!

Now, my nightmare in broad daylight began upon putting my right foot forward, stepping into the auditorium and descending the few flight of stairs that’d take me in proper!

The Earth musta shifted beneath me literally! I mean, what funny sensation am I getting coming from my foot region; I pondered! At this time, all eyes were on me for obvious reasons: my steps became very guarded and wayyy too slow for one who oughta make her way quickly to her seat having arrived late! I was fast becoming a nuisance of sorts, just taking my sweet ‘lil time; like I had all the time in the world!  It isn’t bad enough I arrived late, I just had to put up an absolute bad idea of a show! That figures! Psst!

In trying to make complete sense of what was really going on, I sneaked a peek at ’em shoes and realized to my chagrin, nay; horror most appropriately, that the sole and heel of my right leg was slowly giving way bit by bit, with every progress I made in my steps!

Oh Geezie! This is sooo NOT happening! Whoever did I offend to have this horrible, cruel fate befall me under the full glare of God’s people, who?! I mean, having walked the entire length from the lot, which is a long way off anyhow; and ‘this’ did not think to happen till I got right into the Church,  with all eyes on me?! That’s soo beyond ‘unpretty’ and ‘unfunny’ too, something’s amiss, of a truth!

Dang! What was I to do?! I was still a good way from where I oughta be seated! I couldn’t proceed forward or backtrack out the auditorium! Any movement false or otherwise would ultimately spell doom for me! What’s a girl to do in the circumstances?! I was already blocking off some folks’ views from my position and I had to do what needed to be done…….’Git’!

And ‘git’ I did! I knew I was done for anyhows, so what the heck?! Why postpone doomsday I figured! I advanced forward towards where I was being ushered to sit and by this time, the blasted shoe had crumbled like………….you simply don’t wanna know! The heel and the sole came right off and the worst part, they were lying a pretty, zero-fabulous mess at the center of the Church, all eyes on me and ’em! Ugh!

Of course I took it all in my stride, gathering what was left of my seemingly grace and poise to make the best of a ‘heinous’ situation! So then, with my face up and chin out; I ‘gracefully’ limped to my seat, you know; that up and down movement for lack of balance! Yeah, that one! Get used to it, I did! I mean, how extremely difficult or grueling could that possibly be?!  Piece of cake! Tsk tsk! *popping collar*

On my heels, I left behind the mass or should that be ‘relic’, that was once my fab shoes at the middle of the auditorium, under the watchful eyes of all and sundry! I mean really, what could I have done in the circumstances?! Pick ’em up and then what?! Shove or stuff ’em into my handbag or what exactly?! Or perhaps , keep ’em as a souvenir, heirloom or memorabilia?! Oh puh-leasea! For all y’all know, those aren’t mine, not anymore at least! Y’all wouldn’t happen to know from whence those came from now would you?! Hmm….I thought NOT! I mean; who REALLY wants to know anyways?! Why make a Federal case outta it! Totally glad that’s all settled now and all’s well with the world, Phew! Moving on……..*rolling my eyes for days on end*

Just when I thought I had this whole horrific experience all sorted out and under control; this male Usher had to come pull me out from my reverie against my will! I mean, I don’t remember asking any favours of him, so why would he even DARE to do ‘that’ to me?! How many awkward situations is a girl allowed on one glorious Sunday morning ei?! How many?! *straight faced*

He approached me all gaily with the cutest ever smile plastered across his primly little face and I coulda sworn  I saw the Devil behind that charming smile he was beaming and flashing my way! Plus, why can’t I seem to get over that certain glint in his eyes?! It was as though the Devil was lurking just beneath ’em somewhere and I simply couldn’t shake off the eerie feeling, however hard i tried! It most definitely was the Devil, indisputably and without an ounce of doubt in my mind! Or was that just me?! Maybe?! *shrugs*

Anyway, all smiles and curt, he presented me with the ‘eyesore’ of a relic, a smirk deeply and annoyingly etched across his smug little face! Who does this?! What was he thinking?! What cheek! Hmph!

What’s a girl to do at this time?! With the little dignity I had left inside of me, I muttered a ‘Thank You Sir’, whilst swearing inwardly at his guts and well, just wishing the ground would just open and swallow me up already!

The worst part………….and till date, I can’t even think to remember what sermon was preached especially as I was busy contemplating, in the course of the service how I’d make it out, limping AGAIN; to the lot where my car was parked! Now, that’s a tale for another day………on second thoughts, not sharing! Shoot me! *tongue out*

On the whole, I was pretty pissed at myself, those blasted shoes, the congregation, the snotty-nosed Usher, heck! I was mad at the universe! Why didn’t someone, anyone……..say something….. anything?! So much for my much anticipated Sunday Morning Service…….Big Oops!

The moral of my raves and rants……..never, read ma lips y’all; N-E-V-E-R leave your home without a back-up plan! Always, A-L-W-A-Y-S take an extra pair of shoes! You just never know when fate decides to make a ‘limper’ outta you! It happened to me, who says you can’t fall prey ei?! So then, would you rather not be prepared?! Think ’bout it! To be forewarned is to be forearmed, you can thank me later, no charge! *winks*


Images courtesy   http://www.google.com


32 thoughts on “Big Oops 2

  1. lol…lessons learnt the hard way delivered free of charge…

    ladies, I hope you take this to heart. when you are all gaily dressed and made up, beware of the conspiracy of the heels and soles…they can mess you up real good…lol

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hehehe! You’re so right Doc, they aren’t called killer heels for nought! Of that, you can be totally sure! LMAO!

    Thanks again for this Doc, I could never tire of saying that! You and your name’s forever engraved in platinum in my heart and I bless the day our paths crossed! Congratulations again on your nuptials and God bless and keep you and yours IJN, Amen! Mwah! LOL


  3. Where DO you find all those perfect pics, and where do you find the TIME to find them?

    You poor girl. First, everyone at church laughing at you, and now we are joining them! Ha ha ha!! Too funny!!

    The crumbling-to-rockfall and the panicked-girl shot–those really communicated Yemie’s grace when she’s down at heel.

    SOMEone had to go there. Surely someone–not me, of course-will bring up pride goething when a fall is comething: As in, should we ladies be wearing our you-know-what heels to church? Unless every sermon is about the Song of Solomon ; )

    But I can say nothing. Though I pray, I haven’t been to a church in months. The next time my flat shoes cross that threshold, it may be smoke you see coming from them when the lightning bolt hits.

    Lots of fun, Yemie–thanks!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh O.B, you’ve got me in hysterics, nay; stitches and am cracking up so bad its numbing! I can hardly feel ma face! *laughing*

    I’d say between the time it took to post the first episode and right now, was a little too much time to go a-fishing for those pictures! Gurl, it was ‘grisly’! *shaking my head*

    At a point, I broke down sobbing and if Topazo was anywhere close by at this said time; there’s no telling what I’d have done! I practically felt like I was being punished for a crime I knew absolutely nothing ’bout! Was only able to catch some breaths, after laying it all bare! Gosh! Its a lotta work! LOL

    These kinda mishaps are not only for stiletto wearing Church faithfuls you know O.B! Am mighty glad you also made mention of your flats! And if ever they have to go PLOP, unlike mine ROCKFALL LANDSLIDE; VOLCANIC ERUPTION may actually be the preferred modus operandi like SERIOUSLY?! Oh My Word, Geography’s certainly winning on here tonight! LMAO

    Thank you soo much for your beautifully hilarious, yet insightful comment O.B, you’re simply the bestest and its awesome that you found this funny! I guess my job’s done here! Phew! *hugs* LOL


  5. Totally dramatic! When you rocked the pair of ladders….no, I mean stilettos; and sashayed (I guess) like Ms Antarctica, you definitely wouldn’t know people fall off ladders sometimes (ask the old NEPA guys). You really should’ve “shushed” the usher though.

    It’s a certainty you wouldn’t get the pastor’s sermon; not when you were showing the church a skit à la the fall of Jericho anyway. Killer—or shamer—heels are for those who aren’t scared of a kill, or shame. To those in other categories, a backup humble flat sole is a necessary ally.

    Really big Oops. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Pair of ladders ei?! No kidding Jojo?! Chai! I don suffer!

      Starting now, am grounding you for daring to make fun of me! Now go to your room and remain therein till you’re 95! That should keep you quiet! Hmph!

      Thanks for coming by Joe, the pleasure’s all mine for the taking! You rock soo much! Mwah! LOL


  6. Hmm. I wonder why we ladies always get into this kind of situations, from high heels to handbag straps to ”alakoba” zippers. Hahaha. I remember walking into service one Sunday feeling so cooool. Only for one gentleman standing at the doorway to walk up to me and whisper that my zip had given way. Yeepa! I didn’t even realize cos I was busy feeling cool.lol. Happily sha it was a happy ending. The gentleman later became my husband. Lol!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, this is really funny by jove! But hey! All’s well that ends well, thank God for ripped zippers! It brought great luck your way, you lucky, lucky duck! *winks* LOL

      Thanks for sharing your great experience my darling! Fashion mishaps are forever here to stay and well, ripped zippers aren’t particularly alien to me too, the horror! NOT going there, nah! Forget I said a thing! *smh*LMAO!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This reminds me of what happened to me in the nysc orientation camp. My hostel was notorious for dodging lectures, meditation, SAED, and all. One morning the soldiers raided us and this time they were harmed. They had toilet-soaked moppers which they threatened to scrub on the bed of anyone who didn’t go out immediately… I jumped down my bunk, snapped out my shorts and shirt and joined the scramble at the door.

    That was before five am. After the meditations and announcement and bullshits at the parade ground, the state cordinator appeared to address us. And they asked us to sit down. It was now 7am and the sun was sneaking out for its oppressive reign. Normally, we should have gone for breakfast. I was set to mope when I saw her. A pretty platoon member I had been eyeing for days now. I hurried to her and sat down by her side. She turned to look at me and we noticed it at the same time. I was wearing my shirt inside out!…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ouch! What a damper! The babe you were looking to get with, was it that caught sight of your fashion mishap?! Hahahahahaha! That musta been really mortifying! Not good, not good at all! But I trust you rose to the challenge and milked that awkward moment for all it was worth ei?! And Kingsley, Ned must not hear this o, me I no dey o! I don kukuma talk my own finish! Hian! LMAO!

      You’re such a lazybones Kingsley! So it actually took the toilet-soaked moppers of the soldiers to get you cracking abi?! Eew! Perhaps, if you’d just reported for your parade as soon as the beagle announced it was time to go; maybe you’d have been saved that little incident with ‘her’, you know?! *Yinmu* LOL

      Thanks a-plenty Humour Merchant for sharing your fashion oops moment with us, you rock much! I hope you make a delighful lil post outta it! Plus, its a very common one; this particular type you mentioned; and yes, I’ve experienced it before also! What else is new?! *raised eyebrow* ROTFLMAO!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Aw! Thank you so much Quaint and Dainty China! Its sooo like you to behold sceneries in thy mind’s eye! You’re such a dreamer, enchanting and pretty magical! A beautiful mind! I love that ’bout you a lot! *laughing*

      Thanks for looking in darl! I’ve got only mad love or thee! I saw that nomination bit and I was not only totally caught off guard, but thou blew me away sky high too! That’s huge, CAPITAL! I’m humbled deeply, God bless your heart my dearest! Mwah! LOL

      Liked by 1 person

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