Holla Babycakes! I’m sorry for keeping you ma precious pumpkins hanging for far too long! Do forgive and bear with my hang-ups, they totally couldn’t be helped! Good thing though, I finally got off of my ‘lazyship’ and I present to you wonderful people, the concluding part of my fashion mishap! I hope you like this as much as you liked the first part and thanks so much for the love; I feel extremely blessed to have y’all in my space! God bless and keep y’all, plus; y’all Rock Pieces! Don’t y’all ever forget that! Mwah!
Often times, fate just has this very twisted and pretty uncanny way of pulling out some kinda terrible stunts on one, especially when one least expects!
For some inexplicably annoying reason; the back door of the Church auditorium was closed shut and that folks, is a mighty strange occurrence! Someone was definitely out to get me, that’s the only logical reason and I just knew it!
Perhaps, this shoulda been the part where my red flag ought to have gone up high, but like I said earlier; I just couldn’t and well, didn’t actually think that anything would go awfully wrong! I mean, lets face it, who thinks ’bout these things anyways?! The day gave absolutely nothing away! *sighs*
Usually, that door’s left opened so ‘late arrivals’…….like me, yup; you got that part right; can just easily and stealthily make their ways in, without incidence or the ‘danger’ of distracting the prompt and punctual faithfuls, who’d made it to Church in the nick of time and are being attentive to the sermon as given by the good Pastor!
Again, fate waded in and just had to get in the way on this particular day! So, I was left with no other option than to make use of the only other available entrance there was: the side door!
For all intents and purposes, I should categorically state here that the side door is one that once you made your way into the Church auditorium, at least; you’d be sighted by half the folks congregated for the service! That door places one at a vantage position, where one’s now ‘saddled’ with the arduous task of navigating their ways through a sea of eyes, as seated across different various aisles whilst meandering to reach the available seats at the back specially reserved for late-comers! And that would be me…….. again! Well, whatever! Go tell it to the judge already and slam me with a gazillion pounds worth of pennies lawsuit while you’re at it for daring to run JUST a tad late! Who really wants to know like really?! Hmph!
Now, my nightmare in broad daylight began upon putting my right foot forward, stepping into the auditorium and descending the few flight of stairs that’d take me in proper!
The Earth musta shifted beneath me literally! I mean, what funny sensation am I getting coming from my foot region; I pondered! At this time, all eyes were on me for obvious reasons: my steps became very guarded and wayyy too slow for one who oughta make her way quickly to her seat having arrived late! I was fast becoming a nuisance of sorts, just taking my sweet ‘lil time; like I had all the time in the world! It isn’t bad enough I arrived late, I just had to put up an absolute bad idea of a show! That figures! Psst!
In trying to make complete sense of what was really going on, I sneaked a peek at ’em shoes and realized to my chagrin, nay; horror most appropriately, that the sole and heel of my right leg was slowly giving way bit by bit, with every progress I made in my steps!
Oh Geezie! This is sooo NOT happening! Whoever did I offend to have this horrible, cruel fate befall me under the full glare of God’s people, who?! I mean, having walked the entire length from the lot, which is a long way off anyhow; and ‘this’ did not think to happen till I got right into the Church, with all eyes on me?! That’s soo beyond ‘unpretty’ and ‘unfunny’ too, something’s amiss, of a truth!
Dang! What was I to do?! I was still a good way from where I oughta be seated! I couldn’t proceed forward or backtrack out the auditorium! Any movement false or otherwise would ultimately spell doom for me! What’s a girl to do in the circumstances?! I was already blocking off some folks’ views from my position and I had to do what needed to be done…….’Git’!
And ‘git’ I did! I knew I was done for anyhows, so what the heck?! Why postpone doomsday I figured! I advanced forward towards where I was being ushered to sit and by this time, the blasted shoe had crumbled like………….you simply don’t wanna know! The heel and the sole came right off and the worst part, they were lying a pretty, zero-fabulous mess at the center of the Church, all eyes on me and ’em! Ugh!
Of course I took it all in my stride, gathering what was left of my seemingly grace and poise to make the best of a ‘heinous’ situation! So then, with my face up and chin out; I ‘gracefully’ limped to my seat, you know; that up and down movement for lack of balance! Yeah, that one! Get used to it, I did! I mean, how extremely difficult or grueling could that possibly be?! Piece of cake! Tsk tsk! *popping collar*
On my heels, I left behind the mass or should that be ‘relic’, that was once my fab shoes at the middle of the auditorium, under the watchful eyes of all and sundry! I mean really, what could I have done in the circumstances?! Pick ’em up and then what?! Shove or stuff ’em into my handbag or what exactly?! Or perhaps , keep ’em as a souvenir, heirloom or memorabilia?! Oh puh-leasea! For all y’all know, those aren’t mine, not anymore at least! Y’all wouldn’t happen to know from whence those came from now would you?! Hmm….I thought NOT! I mean; who REALLY wants to know anyways?! Why make a Federal case outta it! Totally glad that’s all settled now and all’s well with the world, Phew! Moving on……..*rolling my eyes for days on end*
Just when I thought I had this whole horrific experience all sorted out and under control; this male Usher had to come pull me out from my reverie against my will! I mean, I don’t remember asking any favours of him, so why would he even DARE to do ‘that’ to me?! How many awkward situations is a girl allowed on one glorious Sunday morning ei?! How many?! *straight faced*
He approached me all gaily with the cutest ever smile plastered across his primly little face and I coulda sworn I saw the Devil behind that charming smile he was beaming and flashing my way! Plus, why can’t I seem to get over that certain glint in his eyes?! It was as though the Devil was lurking just beneath ’em somewhere and I simply couldn’t shake off the eerie feeling, however hard i tried! It most definitely was the Devil, indisputably and without an ounce of doubt in my mind! Or was that just me?! Maybe?! *shrugs*
Anyway, all smiles and curt, he presented me with the ‘eyesore’ of a relic, a smirk deeply and annoyingly etched across his smug little face! Who does this?! What was he thinking?! What cheek! Hmph!
What’s a girl to do at this time?! With the little dignity I had left inside of me, I muttered a ‘Thank You Sir’, whilst swearing inwardly at his guts and well, just wishing the ground would just open and swallow me up already!
The worst part………….and till date, I can’t even think to remember what sermon was preached especially as I was busy contemplating, in the course of the service how I’d make it out, limping AGAIN; to the lot where my car was parked! Now, that’s a tale for another day………on second thoughts, not sharing! Shoot me! *tongue out*
On the whole, I was pretty pissed at myself, those blasted shoes, the congregation, the snotty-nosed Usher, heck! I was mad at the universe! Why didn’t someone, anyone……..say something….. anything?! So much for my much anticipated Sunday Morning Service…….Big Oops!
The moral of my raves and rants……..never, read ma lips y’all; N-E-V-E-R leave your home without a back-up plan! Always, A-L-W-A-Y-S take an extra pair of shoes! You just never know when fate decides to make a ‘limper’ outta you! It happened to me, who says you can’t fall prey ei?! So then, would you rather not be prepared?! Think ’bout it! To be forewarned is to be forearmed, you can thank me later, no charge! *winks*
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