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Strike A Pose And Freeze Guys, Its A Hol’ UP!

Last night, I saw this flick where an entire neighborhood was besieged by the men of the underworld! They quite succeeded in robbing everyone else blind save for one family! This family was peculiar in that they had a very hi-tech security system of gadgets, gizmos, and stuffs in place! You know, like bullet-proof doors and all what not! So, it was a herculean task for these bad guys to gain access into their residence!

After trying for long and so hard, the leader of the bandit turned negotiator, and tried to get the family man, the head of the house to grant ’em access, promising that they’d be safe from harm! ‘All we want is your money, ATM cards complete with passwords, car keys and jewelleries’, he barked!

The head of this peculiar family though is a real shrewd guy! When the words stingy and ‘tight-fisted’ were coined, they totally had him in mind! He would never part with even a nickel, on a good day! The leader of the bandit got really frustrated, to the point of threatening to kill off his neighbor, when he pulled his weapon on him; but this guy was unshaken! He just wouldn’t budge! He’d earlier placed an emergency call to the cops, who had a lil bit of a challenge in coming to his rescue! Eventually, the cops showed up and the bad guys were rounded up!

This flick brought me some nostalgic memories! My brother had just secured an accommodation some years back! He was pretty satisfied with the conditions of the surroundings and in time, he settled comfortably in, savoring his erstwhile freedom! He occupied one of four apartments in that building, another was being occupied by his aged Landlord and the remaining two apartments had other tenants like him!

And so it was one fateful night, while all was quiet and all slept, they were rudely jerked awakened from their slumber by gunshot noises renting the air and an announcement that they were being held up! Everyone was scared shitless and there was a lotta confusion! Fraying nerves,  and racing hearts, a frenzy at a fever pitch resulted on the heels of the realization that this was a siege!

In order to make things less terrifying than it already was, they co-operated with the robbers, handing all they asked of ’em, and just basically being at their beck and call! They were robbed silly, but didn’t sustain any bodily harm or injuries! Thank God for that!

When it came the time to go carry out an operation in the apartment occupied by the aged Landlord, they hit a brick wall! You see, everyone else co-operated with ’em, by willfully opening up their doors at their insistence! They barked orders at ’em, while threatening to blow off their brains; if they didn’t save ’em the arduous task of having to break into their apartments by themselves! So, naturally, these guys caved and opened up to them without incidence! All of that was ’bout to change when they made their ways to the aged Landlord’s apartment!

They banged on his door and the following dialogues ensued:

Robber: Open up this door right this minute, we know you’re in there!

Landlord:Why would I wanna do something so stupid?!

Robber: Baba, is this some kinda joke?!

Landlord: You tell me!

Robber: We don’t have time for this old man, open up this door right this minute and we wouldn’t have to hurt you!

Landlord: You’re robbers aren’t you?!

Robber: What sorta question’s that?! Isn’t that obvious?!

Landlord: Very well then, you’re gonna have to prove that to me!

Robber: Excuse me?!

Landlord: Since you’re robbers, you’ll have to force your way right in!

Robbers: No kidding?!

Landlord: No! Its taboo that I should have to open up my door to robbers, with my very own hands and have you rob me! You’re gonna have to find your ways in yourselves!

Robber: Alright then, start saying your last prayer, you stupid old man, for surely; today, you shall meet your Maker !

The bandits then set about in trying to gain a forced entry into the apartment and after a while they succeeded in their bid! The leader barged into the living room with the hope that they’d see and confront the mule who’d hitherto made ’em undergo such a grievous, very unnecessary task of breaking down the door but alas, he was nowhere to be found!

Their mission  statement and vision changed once they gained entry into the aged Landlord’s apartment and rather than go about rummaging the house for valuables, they were on a mission to find the man and cause him some major bodily damage for daring to call ’em out the way he did! They searched every nook and cranny of the house and came up empty! Good thing his immediate family were all resident overseas, and he was more or less home alone! Unbeknownst to ’em, he was lodged in the ceiling of his living room, a specially provided space and safe-house of sorts, just watching as events were unfolding!

The bandits were so desperate in their attempt to find him that they totally turned the entire apartment upside down, in their frustration at coming up nought! Further attempts to keep on searching was foiled by the sounds of sirens blaring in the distance and they therefore had to retreat and make a fast get-away, before the cops clamped down on ’em!

After the dust finally settled Santa Claus aka Mr. Landlord emerged, climbing down from his chimney up in the ceiling! His tenants were shocked at his persistence and relentlessness. They had feared he’d been killed or badly beaten up because of the wall he’d put up! At the end of the day, the robbers didn’t  have enough time to steal a single thing from his apartment, but they destroyed a few of his possessions, while trying to sniff him out of his hiding place!

The other incidence I remember took place at my cousin’s! DJ, that’s my pet name for him, was lounging in the living room with one of his nieces when suddenly, the sliding door glided open! On a cue, he looked in the direction of the opened door and beheld first a gun pointed in his direction, and then the scoundrel brandishing it!

As an aside, I gotta to tell y’all ’bout my coolest cousin DJ! He’s very athletic and plays sports! He’s really fast on his heels, a track and field champion, a sprinter, at State level as at when he was in High School! He also thrived in Chess board game and represented his state as well at national tournaments! So, now you know and may at least understand why he did what he did next, without as much as giving a thought to what consequences may arise in its wake!

DJ lunged at the intruder, tackled him and wrestled the gun outta his hands effortlessly! I’ll bet the guy was thrown off course as he practically didn’t see that coming! I mean, these kinds of scenarios are ones you see in movies! Who tackles a gun-totting intruder?! Yeah, DJ; I know! Need I be reminded?!

So, he disarms the guy; gives him a good beating; not knowing his goons were lurking close by! One by one, they made their ways into the living room, now totaling four in number plus the badly beaten one and then one of ’em spoke up! He first of all applauded DJ on this mean feat and asked if he thought he was James Bond, before pouncing on him and dealing him more than a few brutal blows! Ouch!

Afterwards, they locked him and his niece up in the loo and set to rummaging through the house for valuables! DJ, not one to take anything lying down, managed to break free from the bondage of being locked up, made his way out the building complex, scaled the fence and made straight for the police station to alert the men of the law! The station was just a stone-throw from the house, a walking distance!

About this time too, one of the bandit came back to DJ’s apartment to check if all was alright and to his horror, he found that DJ had skipped detention! You see, after they’d gotten all they wanted from DJ’s apartment, they’d taken their robbery operation to the other flats numbering three! He quickly made to alert his mates ’bout the ugly development and they had to suspend every other things pending and flee! By the time the cops arrived the scene, they were long gone!

I remember scolding DJ for his daredevilry and telling him N-E-V-E-R to pull that kinda stunts ever again! He was lucky not to have gotten shot and experienced a much fatal fate than just getting beat up! He just laughed and told me if they’d come to him unarmed, he’d have taken ’em all out, without as much as raising his littlest finger ! Typical DJ! A real piece of work!

There you have it folks! Please don’t you ever DARE to launch an attack on an armed person! You just never know if he’s in the ranks of the trigger happy lots; who kill at will without as much as giving two rats’ ass or even giving a damn ’bout whose horse is gored! My word! Peace out!

All images courtesy of http://www.google.com

 

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23 thoughts on “Strike A Pose And Freeze Guys, Its A Hol’ UP!

  1. Found this piece very entertaining. First the old Baba landlord and his stunts, that was really funny. Hmmm, the baba ge liver sha. And DJ, wow! I understand the angry feeling of having someone who is a workover for you, now hold you hostage simply because he is brandishing a gun! Youthful exuberance sha…
    Anyways, lessons learned: never dare call the bluff of an arm toting guy cos you never know what he’s got up his sleeves. Capisco!

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  2. Wow Honeycomb, its awesome seeing you here! I take it that lil ‘snafu’ with the new post notification’s been fixed then! Thank Goodness for that! Phew! *laughing*

    You said it Zee! Youthful exuberance can give one such a high to act all impulsive with total spontaneity, without first of all rationalizing what could possibly go wrong! At least we know DJ was young, wild, free and extremely stupid, but what shall we call our aged mischievous senior citizen with a death wish ei?! *smh* LOL

    Thank you soo much for dropping thy thoughts, go on ahead and prosper gurl! Mwah! *giggling*

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    • hey don’t you dare yab baba…all you people that will be shitting your pants just because someone points what looks like a gun at you! not bothering to think that it could be a water gun, a wood, or unloaded gun or whether even the person knows how to shoot! you think it is all that holds gun that can fire? or na so gun take cheap wey all robbers go get gun?
      the baba needs to come and teach all you young young people some courage…
      and DJ, well he is the bomb!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Rats!!! Are you for real Doc?! Like really, REALLY?! *shocked*

    You’re supportive of the steps DJ and Baba took in their various different situations in a face-off with armed bandits?! Seriously???

    So what if the guns were ACTUALLY loaded and they’re real snipers??? Will you be the one to dare to find that bit out?! *raised eyebrow*

    Mischief! Mischief!! Mischief!!! As is Baba and DJ! Why aren’t I surprised though?! *smh* LOL

    Thanks for looking in Doc, we shan’t forget! Thou rockest so darn hard! Mwah! LMAO!

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  4. LOL. Baba really got a valid point; it’s just a taboo to open the dam for one’s waterloo 🙂 (I write this cuz Baba had a backup plan and he survived, otherwise he was just stup- *you know the rest).

    Never underestimate those old folks. They may be weak (though they will still climb ceiling when the need arises), but they know stuffs. Have we not seen robbers that began to sweep baba’s compound upon baba’s “simple command” instead of robbing him silly? (African science, I hail!)

    Being baba is risky; being DJ is riskier. I’m no risk taker. Fake gun or not, I don’t wanna find.

    Nice one!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hmmm! Juju Josef! I see you o! Eyin gbo nipa e bajebaje! Ifadeyi Oloro, ero pese, swe swe! *smh* Seriously??? Chai! LWKMD!

    And am sooo with you on not being that kinda risk taker! I aint either! Plus, for one who’s gotta a gun at such a close proximity, and am talking close range, the need to be a skilled, very excellent Sniper or Marksman’s not required at all! He needn’t bother ’bout hitting the bullseye; his target’s right infront of him! He’d only maybe suffer an instant jolting, a jerking; from the recoil of the gun! That’s all in the grand scheme of things, but he’d hit his target at point-blank range and effortlessly too! Gosh! Am I the ballistics expert now or what?! *popping collar* LMAO!

    Thanks Joe, your thoughts made me laugh so hard and I just can’t stop! I blame you, totally! MWAH! LOL

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  6. DJ reminds me a lot about me. Baba reminds me a little about 2060–minus the ceiling, break-neck, talk-and-run hiding.

    Yemie, your art improves in geometric speed. You keep up this pace and you will be in that plane to Sweden in 2020 to collect that prize.

    Liked by 1 person

    • DJ reminds you of yourself Kingsley init?! Why aren’t I surprised though?! No kidding?! I know you’ve got the tendency to be a bone-head, but to tackle an armed robber…..REALLY?! *straight face* LMAO!

      Uw! Thanks for that vote of confidence but aren’t we getting wayyy in over our heads here Kingsley?! *scratching ma head* LOL

      Thanks anyhow! I feel really giddy! Its always nice to see ya Humour Merchant, ALWAYS! Rock on dear, MWAH! *laughing*

      Liked by 1 person

    • Holla Walter! Its awesome seeing you here Sire! Thank you for looking in and a very Happy Holidays to ya! *hugs* LOL

      I do agree with you Walter, its a real traumatizing experience having to live through being accosted by those daredevils! There’s no telling what they’d do! May God continually keep us all and may we never cross paths which those guys and their ilk IJN, Amen! They’re bad to the bones and well…they’re BAD News; totally! LMAO!

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  7. An armed robber??!…. Finding out if the gun is loaded is none of my business…
    I’ll just pray jejely and cooperate…

    I don’t think there’s an award in Heaven ( or hell for that matter ) for people that get shot for trying to be brave and tackling an armed man… And i don’t want to find out …

    Nice one Yemie… Never knew you had a blog until moments ago…

    p.s Your cousin, DJ might need counselling before he attempts to stop a bank robbery…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh Damstylee, your thoughts sent me spiralling into a tailspin of hysterical sorts! Hahahahaha! I mean, NO ONE has any business trying to find out if a weapon’s loaded or not, at least not unless they’re bionic boogeymen or superheroes with the innate ability to resist and ward off flying bullets! That was sooo well said and I really couldn’t agree more! There’s certainly no reward in Heaven or Hell either, a dead hero’s exactly that….DEAD! Plus, DJ’s a lot calmer now, agba ti de! LMAO!

      Thank you soo much Damstylee for finding me! The blog is fairly new, and am still just pretty much trying to get my ducks in a row and learn the ropes as I should! LOL

      Thanks again for the thoughts you dropped off on Senor Joe’s blog, that means a lot to me, and I do wish you and all of yours, a very Happy Holidays Dami! Rock on buddy! *hugs* LOL

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  8. Some people can fit talk o… Choi! 🙂
    Roller coaster fluster duster talk monster! And it gets better abi? A running mouth would be easy to imagine but a running pen bleeding endlessly to give a marathon of gist in the style of ‘Ehen, which reminds me…’, full dose of amebo on a grand scale! Chaye! How na? Yemie, how na? How come? Teach the magic…

    Interesting stories as usual, starting from nowhere, going somewhere and taking us everywhere … I only wonder what the new year would bring for you with all this gist. Hmmm, well done jare!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahahaha! Really Su’eddie?! You didn’t just call me out now did you?! I should go stark raving mad but I won’t, I refuse to! You’re totally forgiven for DARING to state the most obvious: Yemie’s a yacker, and she does do a pretty bang-up job of it too! I mean, I got your attention didn’t I?! And that must at least account for something init?! Gloating really does look good on me, who’s hating?! LMAO!

      Thank you soo much Su’eddie for dropping in, again! Its always a great honour having you grace this space! As for the new year, it’d pretty much take care of itself and when I get to that bridge, I’d be sure to cross it as best I can! For now, I’m just sooo happy seeing you here for the now; and that’s what counts! *winks* LOL

      Happy New Year in advance Su’eddie, this is to great friendships and camaraderie…..Cheers Sire, you more than rock PIECES! LMAO!

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      • Cheers to you too Yemie! We should funkinize it a bit: Yemz 🙂 … And no, there was no calling you out. I was simply complimenting your great work, y’know na…
        You have our attentions jare. Chai but I hail the writing o! You didn’t mention when I should come for the lessons…

        May the New Year be kind to us all, my sister. May the New Year be kind.

        Liked by 1 person

      • *tear* Aw! You didn’t take my ramblings seriously did you, Su’eddie? I can be just as much a tease as you are I mean, where do you get off asking a ‘no-writer’, to teach a very seasoned, and an award-winning writer; the surreal art of writing?! Who does that?! I should be the one learning at thy feet Sensei! I mean, how do you manage it?! How do you do it?! I. Am. Awestruck! *cowtowing* LMAO!

        And a very big ‘AMEN’ to that prayer! May the new year be most kind to us all and may all of our hopes, aspirations and expectations be made manifest by His abundant grace IJN, Amen!

        Yemz huh?! Coolness and pretty funky I’d say! I’ll take it, I’ll bite! Plus, will find you a most befitting appellation! Watch this space brother, I do know how to bring it! ROTFLMAO!

        Liked by 1 person

      • How come I am just seeing this one?
        Na wa o! Someone packed a bag of yabs and jibes in one powerful punch. Some new year we are up to already… 🙂
        I can only wonder what powered amebo is waiting on your page now. But come to think of it, if this was full scap sheets- the way we used to do it back in them days- how many would the gist carry?

        Oh well. We are watching the space… And hmm, which award. I don’t know for you o! Good morning. Hope the year has been kind already.
        PS: What can you bring on? *Yawn.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yawning?! Am I boring you Su’eddie?! Pray tell! *raised eyebrow* LMAO!

        Fancy seeing you here and responding to your jibes; I was pretty popular in the days of yore for collecting extra sheets at periods when am writing exams! So I’m guessing that’s put paid to thy question ’bout ’em sheets then?! *tongue out* LOL

        C’mon Su’eddie, get outta here! Quit playing that modesty card! Its old and tiring, plus; it doesn’t suit you! We both know you’re who I say thou art, don’t fight it off and stop with the theatrics already Sensei! *laughing*

        As regards what I know how to bring, I was referring to coming up with an appellation for you! I think Sensei will do just fine for now; and incase you’re wondering; its commonly used amongst the Orients to refer to a Master or Teacher, a supreme, very knowledgeable authoritative figure-form, which I perceive you to be in the literary world! So Sensei, suck on that! ROTFLMAO!

        Thank you so much for looking in once again and yes, the year’s already unleashing its gracious kindness upon me, I mean, look at you; you’re here! What more could possibly be cooler than that?! LOL

        Once I can manage to get off of my lazyship, Amebo will take center stage and serve up some real juicy scoops for thy reading pleasure! I promise! You rock n rule Su’eddie, yes you do! MWAH

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      • Hmmm…
        I went to the main page with a mug of coffee, expecting to find as usual but … nope! You did not perform… *Sigh. Maybe I should ignore the blog for a month, then come and check then. (Thinking… Yes, I think that is what I would do.)

        Thanks for the Sensei lecture…and no thank you, no Japanese naming for me! Reminds me of Splinter in Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles- the cartoons which we grew up on, back in the days (Cowabanga!)… Merci beaucoup but No… No sucking on that, at all. Na you know the grammar. Me I am just watching you o… Hmmm.

        Poor lecturers… I don’t usually smile at such scripts, or never did when I came across them… Mba! Usually, I discovered sef that it was the students that didn’t know much that would show themselves… Give it with a punch…pack the answer sweetly into a powered punch and let it fly! But I am not saying anything… After all, do we not enjoy your flowing foolscap (and there is a reason they call it a fool’s cap) sheets over here…

        Would you get to another blog post already! It doesn’t have to be the whole of ten screen pages! One section of the regular is enough wine to leave us drunk in praise, ja? We await o…

        Good morning Yemz 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  9. You? Need to “learn the ropes”? Hah! You were born to tippy-toe cross Niagara–or perhaps I should say Victoria Falls/Mosi oa Tunya.

    (I’ve never asked where you live, Yemie, but I assume a country in Africa. Where DO you live?).

    Realistic dialogue is something most writers have to work at. You got it write (SWIDT? 😉 ) out the gate. I won’t say it’s because you have so much more practice than the average person in the art of conversation… 😉

    (I am running now to hide in my own ceiling, so don’t bother trying to look for me.)

    BTW, although I Followed you (eagerly!) from your first post, your pieces are not coming through in my Reader. I suggest you complain to WP. This is happening more and more to people since their last “improvement”.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Yayyyyy! Guess who finally did come out to play! Its O.B, the Phoenix! Whoop! Whoop!! Whoop!!! LOL

    First, do forgive my hang-ups! I’ve been pretty scarce on thy site, not intentional I assure! Been so laid back and just plain lazy after the holidays and so, getting back to statuesque’s proving soooo mighty difficult for me! Crazy init?! BUT, am working on it and I shall be back full force, by which time I’d make a quick stop at thy glorious site and come goof off a bit! *winks* LOL

    That bit ’bout me born to tippy-toe across those plains you so vividly, painstakingly stated got me spinning into a delightful whirlwind of laughter! That was really funny O.B and am blushing up several storms too! Its always such great delight, being given the ‘props’ by you, if you know what I mean; cause you’re kind of a HUGE deal! Epic! Colossal! Great! Monumental! Enormous! Tremendous! Seismic! Big! ‘Humongous’! ‘Gynormous’! *catching ma breath* Need I say more?! You do get my point now doncha?! Bottomline, I look up to you O.B, YOU’RE my idol! For shizzie! LMAO!

    I’m Nigerian, born and bred! Nigeria’s located in the West of Africa! Its the most populous Black Nation the world over! A British Colony, before attaining her independence October 1st, in the year of our Lord, 1960! I am resident in the beautiful bustling city of Lagos State! I wouldn’t say I’ve mastered the art of making conversation, am just barely managing to scrape by whilst trying to improve on my art! However, I love making convos; the witty, stimulating, electrifying and eclectic kind and overtime, I find that it just comes pretty easy to me! Greatly helped by delightsome folks like you O.B, who’ve got mad game down to the bootz like Booyah! LOL

    The notification issue’s been brought to my attention and I’d look into that lil snafu some more! I’m soo sorry pumpkin, I’m soooo on it! WP, here I come and I bear no gifts! This means war! Hmph! ROTFL

    Finally, thank you so much for swinging right along! Plus, quit hiding darling, for all we know; there just might be some vermins lurking up in the ceiling, crawling and looking for who to nibble on! So, come on thither from the ceiling Santa, Christmas is not till another next few months! What says you Goldfish?! You and I both know that you’ve got no hiding place don’t we now?! *laughing*

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