So, I’m pretty fascinated by the men of the cloth; not the military, though I adore those too but I refer to the separated of the Lord! You know, vessels especially set aside by the Lord for the preaching and teaching of the Gospel of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!
I used to be really putty in the hands of these lots, like I saw ’em as real special beings; who could NEVER do no wrongs! Like they’re way above anything petty! Simply put, I envisioned ’em as outta this world and pretty much larger than life! I mean, think ’bout it guys, for ’em to have been called of the Lord, then surely that must at least account for something init?! Like they must have an edge over the rest of us who do not have any such ministerial calling to serve in the office and capacity as they do so effortlessly, or so I thought!
I FINALLY did catch a big break and a one in a gazillion chance, to get up close and personal with one of these special beings, when I played host to one of ’em in my crib a little less than six years ago! I’d been introduced to him at my local assembly as being back home for a special ministerial assignment as he was originally resident in the United Kingdom!
Due to my precedence and absolute fondness of these special beings, I agreed to immediately play hostess to this man of the cloth, who was super-knowledgeable by the way in the things of God, a medical doctor by training; pretty sound and an intellect by all standards! I was already looking forward to learning at his feet the many mysteries of the Kingdom! This guy was a total powerhouse, a great orator and firebrand, pretty versed and he knew the Word like crazy, he was a great teacher! Plus, we were around the same age, in the same age bracket and he wasn’t a ‘Jew guy’ or a Square, so-called in other quarters, not run of the mill! He was a man of the cloth alright, but he knew what time it was and was quite social! A power-dresser, he did movies and cinemas; you get the whole idea…..a real social butterfly! For him, It wasn’t always business as usual, he loosened up a lot and knew just how to have fun! Still, I was real guarded and held him at such a pedestal! I’d have it no other way, unconventional or not!
He moved into the room I’d especially furnished and prepared for him! I’d practically pulled out all the stops on that one, rolled out the drums and red carpet, totally splurged and didn’t, wouldn’t hold back in making certain that he was well tended to and catered for all through his stay! I was at his every beck and call, walking on eggshells around him, I mean; this was NO ordinary man, he’s called of the Lord! It certainly was a great honor, having him over!
All was dandy till something happened to rouse me from my reverie, bringing me forth from Limbo to Earth and bwoi was I totally unprepared for that! Whoever said ignorance was bliss, lied NOT! That’s so spot on, like right on the money! Truer words are still yet to be concocted!
Lounging in the living room one beautiful evening, whilst watching the ‘Blues’ and ‘Gunners’ slug it out on the football field, he was a total Chelsea fan by the way and was rooting for his team, naturally; a stench seemed to engulf and just practically take over the atmosphere, assailing and assaulting our nostrils and senses, it was BADD!
There we were, three of us seated in that space and so arose a grave difficulty in trying to figure out who the culprit was! My hubby and I do a lotta sign and bodily lingo most times between us two, especially when there’s a third party in the mix and within that second, we quickly exchanged looks that communicated to us both that we didn’t do it!, So then, that leaves our esteemed in-house guest but woe betide he or she who dares to point accusing fingers at a man of the cloth, so we just kept quiet like nothing happened, holding our breath and willing for the damn stench to pass, QUICKLY! It was suffocating, just horrible!
Plus, our guest was so engrossed in the match that he practically switched off in what looked like he was oblivious of the happenings in his surrounding and just pretending like nothing happened! Damn! Do men of the cloth do that?! Fart and then feign knowledge that they just polluted the air, without as much as owning up to having done anything and just carrying on like all’s well with the world?! No, can’t be, this is all just a misunderstanding! That foul smell musta found its way in somehow, someway…..from some place or didn’t it?! Whodunit?!
Match over, and my houseguest makes for his room without a mention of nada! My hubby and I began debating between us two what just went down! Not one to take anything too seriously, he wondered why I was fussing, ‘he’s a man like any other so what’s the biggie’, he chided! ‘To you he is, to me; not quite! He’s a man of the cloth for goodness’ sakes, why can’t you just seem to get that memo’?! I retorted and he walked away, leaving me to my devices amidst making fun of me in what he termed the ‘absolute height of ridiculosity’! What does he know anyways?! He can’t even begin to fathom, comprehend or even understand what I knew! He completely lacked the capacity to see what I did see through my specially formulated lens that was exclusively mine and mine alone! Hmf!
Then came that oh so glorious day that had been set aside by the powers that be, to save me from myself and my firmly held beliefs! I was ‘chillin’ with my houseguest and we were brainstorming ’bout a wide variety of topics, just the two of us! Like a lightning bolt from outta the blues, this stench hit! By the smell of things, this was a very well known stench I’d come to know and ‘accept’, but NOT on this occasion I will NOT! I wasn’t gonna just sit back and take this one lying down, nuh-uh! This, right here’s the ‘moment of truth’ and what better time for a confrontation than right this moment with just the two of us! I mean, I KNOW I didn’t do it and that leaves him right, RIGHT?! I’d REALLY like to see him wriggle free outta this one, I muttered inwardly! With all of my senses shut down, I’d recognize that smell and I geared up for the ‘Big Reveal’!
I didn’t just think to ask if he did it, I mean, I thought to myself, ‘ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies’, that was my rationale; so I simply settled for,
‘Haba, while other ministers are hard at work and getting real busy imparting meaningful stuffs into the lives of folks, here you are, filling us up to the brim; without even being asked to, with foul gas! Do you wanna kill and send us all to our early graves, do you’?!
And all of these while, I made certain to maintain a very stern look, not smiling! He simply just got up quietly from where he was seated and ran all the way up to his room, laughing so hysterically and asking who the heck I was to have summoned up that much courage to say those words to his face! He said I oughta go join a theatre group, cause I was a total crack-up! To which I laughed and brought him up to speed ’bout the number of times he’d farted and how we’d deliberately kept quiet so as not to commit a gross misconduct, especially in the event that he didn’t do it, since there were more than two people in the room at every one time! He fessed up to seeing all of our jives and how he’d retire into his room to laugh himself sore at our expense! That was real cheesy, corny even….the silliness was just befuddling!
By the end of his sojourn, we’d become quite close; family! I’d also learnt that these guys were every bit human like me! They actually did do EVERYTHING that mortals are programmed to do which includes farting and shying away from that fact, especially when they’ve been placed on a certain pedestal by sillies like……me! Really?! Go figure!
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