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May I Please have This….Date?!

In forging great friendships and relationships, especially as it applies to that first ever meeting, getting off to a bad or wrong start and footing’s soo not an option! This can mar and pull the plugs right off of a relationship that may otherwise have been really great and exciting, before it kicks off or sees the light of day! Against this backdrop, I wanna talk ’bout the perks of reeling out the dopest pick-up lines, cause that is the first ever step, to get things moving right along!

While some pick-up lines are totally ‘Aww-worthy’, others are ‘Huh-worthy’ and some others still yet, are just plain ‘What were you thinking, pretty lame-worthy’! When someone who for instance prides him/herself as hot, and then opens up his/her mouth to spew out a really lame or dumb line, without being the wiser that his/her egg’s knocking pretty hard against a rock……then, something’s most definitely wrong somewhere!

Which brings me to a certain scenario, where a guy walks up to me and says ‘Hi, my name’s Jimmy; we met at a party on the Island over the weekend’! Now, I already know what Jim’s playing at, but I humor him anyways; I mean, a party over the weekend and on the Island like really?! How?!

I’d decided I’d be on my best ever behavior you see, and so I respond to him saying ‘I’m sorry Jimmy, but you’ve obviously gotten me mixed up with someone else and I really have to get a move on, the timing’s not so good, cheers’! ‘I coulda sworn that was you’, he chimed; ‘so sorry’! So, I quickly remove myself from that situation before the next rehearsed few pick-up lines rolled off of his tongue and leapt straight, right at me!

Some other time, this very same guy; who I immediately recognized as Jimmy, yup; walked up to me again and before he could open up his mouth to say those infamous lines I was so darned sure he would, I beat him right to it and quickly blurted ‘Hi, your name’s Jimmy and we supposedly met at a party on the Island over the course of the weekend, didn’t we?!’  I mean lets face it guys, defence is the best form of attack init?! Need I say Jimmy was tongue-tied at this point?! Well, if y’all really need for me to say it, I will just get to it then….Jimmy held his peace, backed away slowly;, and went on his jolly way! He said absolutely nothing and I continued on, laughing and walking right on! Case dismissed! Okay, that was so painfully awkward, cruel maybe, but hey; we win some and lose some init?!

Sitting underneath the large mango tree in front of my department in College, leafing through my lecture note to brush up and put finishing touches to studying for a class test which was just barely an hour away by the next period, I heard a voice, making an inquiry! ‘Hi, my name’s Francis, please; where can I go to get something to eat around here’?! Absent-mindedly, I waved in the direction of the line-up of food stalls, just within eye-shot from where I was seated, without sparing the one who did the asking, even a glance! ‘You don’t seem to understand me do you’?! He rapped on! Okay, so this dude aint taking the hint that I’d rather be left alone; especially as I had a test coming up in a bit and I really didn’t have the time for chitty-chatter and any such frivolities! This was serious business and I’d sworn I’d either ace that test or die trying, such was my determination!

Again, I figured if I didn’t lose him in the nick of time, then my plans to play catch up would simply go up in flames and blow up in my face! Something’s gotta give, I wagered; so I decided to play this real cool by the ears, smile, be nice and act civil! I looked up for the first time ever and NO, I know what y’all are thinking, he wasn’t your conventional TDH, so I wasn’t exactly tranced out and rooted to the spot or anything, was wayyyy too busy studying you see, no time! Gotcha! Aha!

Francis was unpretentious, donned a really thick-lens eyeglasses, with teeny- tiny eyes behind ’em! He stood about 5’7 high and had this characteristic posture he’d gotten accustomed to over time! He walked with his two hands behind him, clasped, back bent and seemed to mutter to himself, I think unconsciously; whenever he walked! He was one of a kind, hardly smiled; and pretty much grouchy, half of the time! I used to liken him to Muttley, the cartoon character with the famed…’Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya’, yaps!

I pointed him again in the direction of the food stalls and told him he could get something to eat over there! He responded by saying ‘I’m not looking to ‘feed’, I’m looking to ‘eat’! And I be like ‘huh? I don’t follow’! ‘I’ve been there you see, he responded, and I didn’t like what I saw’! ‘I’m a Corps Member posted to this part, having studied Microbiology at the University of Lagos’! ‘I’m pretty new to this place, and I REALLY need to ‘eat’!

At this point in time, he’d gotten my full and undivided attention! Putting off my bright idea of studying aside and firmly on to the back burner, I decided to tackle this guy, who at this time had quite succeeded in piquing my interest to no end, head-on! I mean, eating and getting fed was pretty much one and the same till he came along! Who knew?!

I quickly got to introducing myself to him, welcoming him aboard and added too that I had a test coming up shortly and urgently needed to get back to my books! Dude was having none of that! He insisted I must point him elsewhere, where he could get some ‘real’ food! ‘How ’bout getting it done yourself Francis ,ei?!’ ‘Surely, if you recognize that one meal tastes awfully bad, then am guessing its because you possess the culinary skills and know-how, to go rustle something more befitting of your royal taste buds, can’t you now’?! I chipped in matter-of-factly, whilst picking up my books and making for my class as the test was just ’bout ready to start! He grinned and said I’ll definitely like to see you again and with that, he left! Never quite knew he had it in him to…..smile?! Surprise, surprise!

I turned his tour guide for the period he was with us and I remember a social function was billed to hold at my department at some period in time! I’d invited him over to come hang out with me and my colleagues! It was an event that promised to be exciting with foods, drinks, friends and good times! He obliged me and I got us two bottles of the well spiced up local non-alcoholic beverage otherwise known as ‘Zobo’ drink, pretty popular in that part, for us to drink; in line with my getting him more familiar with the offerings and tastes of his new environment! While I downed my beverage, he dawdled on his! I eventually trashed the empty bottle and he gives me his saying he’d had enough! I was pretty taken aback cause he hardly drank up to a quarter of the contents of that beverage and so, I emptied the remaining on the lawn and trashed the bottle! The following dialogue ensued thereafter:

Him: Yemi, are you sure those grasses stand any more chances of ever growing again?!

Me: However do you mean Francis?!

Him: I mean, seeing as my saliva’s toxic and venomous; don’t you suppose you’ve done a major harm to the poor grasses where you just emptied my ‘undrunk’ Zobo beverage, ei?!

I was pretty conflicted at this point and didn’t quite latch on to whatever the heck he was harping on ’bout, so I asked ‘Can you quit speaking jungle and speak English already?!

Him: Why didn’t you just drink the bloody thing?! There, I said it! After all, you just downed yours so fast and I can quite tell and appreciate the fact that you actually did love it! So, why didn’t you just do same with mine rather than having to waste it like that?! Pray, tell!

I stormed off laughing myself raw, before returning again to thrash things out with him!

Me: Hold on Francis, you REALLY expected that I’d drink from your bottle like seriously?!

Him: Why, that’s such a bad idea I see!

Me: No, it isn’t, but you didn’t exactly share or partake of mine so why should I yours ehn?!

Francis: Just because! It was the right thing to do!

Me: Says who?! You really are serious then aren’t you?! No kidding?!

And at that, he blew me off, shrugged and returned to his usual grumpy self! Some things never change, I said aloud and may as well have been talking to a wall! He totally just ignored me!

Francis was the absolute perfect stranger! He was usually moody but beneath all of that was this great guy, really brilliant with a beautiful persona and insanely crazy sense of humor!  I never really got round to asking ’bout the ‘eating’ and ‘feeding’ thingy, to know if he was practically just fooling around in his bid to starting up and initiating a conversation with me, but that line was a win in all of its ridiculous totality! Worked for me like absolutely!

Images courtesy of flickr.com

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34 thoughts on “May I Please have This….Date?!

  1. Haba na! Which kain life? I posted a comment on this thing some time back na… What happened? How come I can’t see it here again? Ooooo….
    And the other comments nko? Se I saw some before…

    Oh! Yemie, so you have now started deleting all our comments abi? Because we are not Jimmified or Francisated abi? Okay o… We will see how it will work for you na…

    The post try well well. Hmmm… The tales that you fling at us… Engrossing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hehehe! No kidding Sagely One are you?! 😞😨

      Well, its really not news that often times, WP gets mighty hungry and just decides to feast on letterings and wordings as reeled out by commenters! I can tell you authoritatively, that I have fallen prey to ’em a coupla times! There’s simply no cold chance in…..you know where, that I’d leave a comment unresponded to or delete off, that’s totally not in my nature, by golly! 😜😛😄

      Biko, forgive WP and thank you for cracking me up bad! Francisated and Jimmified kwanu?! I’d be sooo damned! 😂😂😂😂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Weya, be dammed o… after all, you are very fishy! To the dam!

    WP it is then… because they no get mouth to defend themselves… Issoleft. 😀

    Is there going to be a follow-up post to this and hmmm, when is the next post up?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh settle down ‘Viashima’, and cut out the sarcasm! So am telling a naughty lie now aren’t I?! Hmf! 😠😡

      If this were to stand up in a court of law, I’d emerge victorious, smelling like a dozen red roses! 🌹🌹🌹😉 That……, you can be pretty sure ’bout! 😆😛

      And quit acting like you don’t know that WP feasts on folks’ comments! Underneath what rock have you been hiding?! 😜😩

      As regards that next post, we’ll see! Just keep ’em fingers crossed; it cometh! 😉

      Thanks again for swinging by my lil corner, you make it such a huge one by thy very presence! Humbled am I Sire! Absoolutely! Mwah! ❤💋😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ah…this your mighty corner for littluns… Na you biko jare… We will not push the WP magana and no, we will not accuse you of anything, Madam Victorianus, I pray the feast doesn’t continue though…

        Happy New Month, Happy Workers’ Day!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Madam gini?! Victorianus?! Hahahahaha! 😆

        Is it just me😩 or you STILL aint buying what am peddling here?! 😞😒

        Well, tough luck 😛and doggone it! Gawd knows I tried! So, case dismissed, watch me as I strut my stuff and walk out, free as a 🐓, oh pardon me, meant to say a 🐦; on the wings! 😈😆😂

        Happy New Month Su’eddie, may Aondo cause for this month to be most kind to us all, Amen! 🙏

        You rock Sire, and you know it too! 😉😊😂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Free as a ‘gini’… Hmmm
        I meant you are victorious na… No argument again. Happy New month dear sis… You mountain jare…and if you don’t know it, I will tell Dr Swag, Doc Topaz and the others to remind you. That one is for sure! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Jimmmmmmmy. Yemmmmmmmmi.

    You shoulda gone for it, girl. That was a Fantasy Island that boy was talking about, and you could have been right there sharing it with him. Instead, you chose Freaky Francis. The boy-Alice who thought his toxic-spit bottle was labelled for you “Drink Me”. Who couldn’t touch food until it had a sign saying “Eat me”, ’cause “Feed on me” wasn’t good enough.

    Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh Babe; you just totally killed and damaged me for life, and I practically, literally died laughing! Damn; who REALLY are you Phoenix?! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

      Are you for real though you despicable you? Gosh! 😠😬You’re sooo totally mean and HORRID! Don’t you even think to come any close to me right now! Am hurting sooo bad, deep! 😈😱

      ‘Freaky Francis’, ‘toxic-spit bottle’ specially labelled ‘Drink me’? Jeez! 😦
      “Can’t go on, I couldn’t; this is simply too much, 🐭’s caught my tongue! 😞😒

      Fantasy Island? Yeah sure! Delusion never quite looked ahem……delusional?! 😕
      Francis was a cool guy, Jimmy was soo NOT! Deal with it, hmph!😜😛

      Thank you soooo much my sweetness, for brightening up my day with your presence and pretty caustic and toxic sense of humor! Gawd! You. Are. Incredible! 👏👌😂

      You rock Babe, painfully and legally so! Mwah! ❤😆

      Like

    • Nymph Doc?! Who could that possibly be?! 😘😆

      Plus, I’ll have you know that just as the spunky and very intelligent Purpleanais, a fellow blogger, finds intelligence pretty sexy, I actually do too! Bingo!!! 😆😛😜😂

      Little wonder then, that am soooo bee-yond besotted with and enamored by you Brilliant Doc! Suck on that! Oh la! 😊🙈😈🙅

      Its always, ALWAYS nice to see ya on these plains coolest nerd; come by every so often will ya?! MWAH! 😗😍💟😎

      Like

    • Huh?! 👀Did ‘Fooreaky’ Francis just land yet another ‘Funtastic’ 👒👜👡and Fabulous 👧💄Fan?! What is this totally, absolutely cool 😎or what?! D-Dang! 😂😉😆

      Pardon me for running behind on my response dear and thanks a gazillion for swinging right by; am much too grateful! Mwah! 😊🙇❤💋

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I somehow missed this post but now that I read it, it was completely worth it cos I laughed my way to the end. And seriously, Francis is it o. Otherwise he would never get your attention😅so here’s me bowing and cheering for him👏

    Liked by 1 person

    • Not you too Zee, 😨! Francis’ winning streak’s definitely mind-bungling! I’d thought like O.B, lotsa folks wouldn’t find him that much of an appeal! He was simply just….different, but he worked for me! Hanging out with him was memorable and though we’re out of touch at the moment, he was pretty impressionable and made quite an impact on my person!For that, I’d always remember him!😊😃

      Thank you for popping over to say ‘cuck-coo’ Honeycomb and like the delightsome Shrink’s wont to saying….’posts will always be there timeless, and you can play catch up as is most convenient for ya, whenever you do find the time’! No pressures! 😉😂

      Rock on dear, nothing do you! 😉❤😄

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Okay, so I’m late here. I remember one really terrible pickup line:
    Dude goes: “Please what’s the time?” and I look at him noticing he’s got a watch on his wrist.

    I answer anyway and bam…the door to conversation opens. sigh.

    I like the ‘feeding ‘ and ‘eating ‘ one too. Definitely piqued my interest. Hehehe.

    Nicely written Yemz! You still rock, apparently so does your life!

    Ms. Zobo-downer! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Uh gurl, that’s a helluva line there Mimz! Plus, am I so glad you both humored and gave him the time of day to goof off and monkey around on your watch! Some lines actually does suck to high Heaven, but when a moment of calmness kicks in, and they overcome the shyness and nerves that got the best of ’em; some of these guys do go on to make great conversations and become buddies or lifelong friends! 😄😉

    And just so you know Mimz dearie, zobo na the very beverage especially when its so well spiced up with ginger! Mmmmmm……yummy! 😛😈😆

    Its awesomeness seeing ya Sweetkinz! ALL THE WAYZ! MWAH! 😂❤💋

    Liked by 1 person

  7. me says:

    Haha! Nice write maami. I totally love dudes that don’t go the typical route. Persistence ticks especially when you really need your space, but ingenuity sure always wins the day. Well, mostly always… 😉

    Like

    • Oh look who just waltzed in here?!🙈🙊Heav’n must surely be missing an Angel in the words of that evergreen old time musical group ‘ Tavares’; cause she’s right here with me, right now!😊😄

      Welcome Cupcakes, its mighty good to see you on these plains! And I totally agree with you, some folks are just plain memorable, not run of the mill and they’re charisma and charm-defined! Those bow to ’em and well, we’re left under their spell….against our will and better judgment! Youch! 😆😆😆

      Wow! Thank you soooo much for looking in on me, ME; still yet to recover fully from the shock! I must be dreaming….Do. Not. Wake. Me. Up! 😪😪😪😪

      Liked by 1 person

  8. me says:

    Gah! Books, Music, Philosophy… who really are you maami! A universe of knowledge, if I may say.

    And oh, why does this feel like payback? Such sparkly words, I fear I might lose my cheeks to blushing. Lool!

    You are always a mighty pleasure to read. Thank you for having me ma’am.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahahahaha! Now you don’ gon’ crack me up reaall bad ME! A universe of knowledge….who me?! Nah! Am pretty much still a work in progress but am a very curious person by my nature and I love to have my greedy ‘paws’ and fingers in every single pie that crosses my path! 😈😆 My vice! 😣😩

      Payback?! Again….oh no Jose by golly! I just say it as it is! As it appears to me and you Sweets are a ‘Powerhouse’! Thats your appellation right there! You aint same old, same old! You’re a very fine, soul- writer, deep; with an over the top imaginative prowess! Take it from me dear….you’re capital deal! 😉😃

      Thanks for looking in again ME, going back off to slumberland…as you well know, am still dreaming! 😪😪😪😪😪😪😪😪😪😪😪😪

      Liked by 1 person

    • Owkay! Its sooo unlike me to keep anyone waiting but I found it a real challenge, recovering from the almost fatal ‘blow’ I ‘suffered’ upon being privy to your line of thoughts DRASTEVO, needless to say you struck me dumb and blew me away to smithereens! Double Wowzer! 😂 😂😂

      Thank you sooo much for the ‘irresistible’ Sir, I can just feel my ego rising and ascending dangerous heights and I do actually feel like I just planned, executed and plain got away with the perfect murder, seeing as you’re STILL grinning…..Yayyyy!!! Am the ‘Man’ 💪and am I bragging?! Uh friggin yeah! 😈😆

      For popping over, dropping off your golden thought; for following and most especially for being you, I say a very big thanks and I’d do well to keep this up as the Lord strengthens me! 😇😃

      Thanks too Amity, for bringing your bud on board! Am absolutely grateful! God bless and keep you both! Lotsa❤, Yemie! 😊😄

      Liked by 1 person

  9. D'Dream says:

    That pick up line was outta style, wasn’t approved by the gentleman association of boyfriends. Now you got me cracked up dawning your zobo drink so fast and him medidtatingon what next of action to take to get this giddy witty lady on his side
    There is love in sharing though,

    Liked by 1 person

    • Out of style huh?! 😩Are you kiddin’ me?! It totally got me! 😂😂😂

      Love in sharing?!🙊 Yeah sure! 😟

      Thanks for the admonition D’Dream but I just so happened not to want no part of that ‘love’! 🙉😆Sooo not good for my liver! 😈😆

      Thanks a gazillion D’Dream, its pretty awesome having you here! Rock thou on! 😎😄

      Like

      • D'Dream says:

        I do like to hang out with you anytime the moon comes back home, 😁😁. The roost are already on vacation. I just loved the positive vibes you spray allover with careless abandon.
        Thanks my star I stumble-cross someone jovial, interesting and witty. Hey! Lend me one string of your hair, just a strand is enough. What I need it for? Its my secret

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ahem D’Dream,….a strand of me hair huh?! 🙊😨

        Pray, do remind me again how we ventured into ‘Voodoo-Land’ or is that just silly old me?! 🙉😈😂

        Aw! Hanging out is always such fun, especially when in good company! 😄

        Plus, it does take two to tango….that positive vibe I seemingly spray with careless abandon’s possible cause of great sports like you D’Dream; y’all indulge me so I act not alone….its teamwork! See?! 😉😄

        Didn’t know you were into poetry! Those lines up there….sappy! I mean, wherever did the moon go?! Chai! And I thought I was the absolute silly one! 😆😆😆

        Liked by 1 person

      • D'Dream says:

        😁😁😁. Voodoo land naani. Don’t mind me, I just typed as the spirit moves. ☺

        I am a sporty person too buy have only being able to accentuate 2 packs *coverface*

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sport person abi?! 😞Ehn, I don’t doubt that at all! I see the ‘progress’ you’ve made!👀2 packs yen naa daa po, its a good place to start! Keep ‘chopping’ and pumping the ‘iron’, you’ll get there….to destination 6 abi opolopo packs! 💪*Yinmu* 😈😆

        You no serious o! LWKMD! 😂😂😂

        Like

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