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The Reunion With A Tinge Of Nostalgia!

A couple weeks back, my Bestie, Jay; from during my college days, sprang up on me like a lightning bolt from outta the blues, and immediately; mails flew fast and furious between us two in our bid and excitement to playing catch up, reliving times and moments gone by! We also ensured to bring each other up to speed ’bout happenstances in our lives in the now!

 

There was a growing need to reconnect with me as a result of a book he’d authored, chronicling his career life! I wondered how I fitted into that bit, especially seeing as it was an autobiography of sorts coupled with the fact that we’d been out of touch for such a long time! Interest piqued, and curiosity getting the best of me, I got cracking; wanting to know why my name came up for mention at all! At first, he wouldn’t let on; and then he gave me the run around, pussy-footing all over me and saying I’d have to wait it out to discover this ‘mystery’, when the book does finally make it to the stores and hits the shelves! ‘I’d sooo make you crave for my book, Yemi; he says, the suspense will do you some amount of good’! He gloated on!

Not one to back down easy, I cranked up the heat and wheedled him endlessly to fess up ’bout this seemingly big secret of his! I mean, we’d grown apart and gone our separate ways right after graduation and the tides had swept us off to different plains and shores! Plus, thoughts of him had pretty much become fewer and farther between! ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ does come to mind at this point… totally spot on is that adage! It was therefore a thing of great surprise and delight, that he’d even think to remember me, and much less; think me worthy of  mention in his ‘baby’ and pet project that’s his first book!

I am quite the persistent one, if I do say so myself; needless to say I bugged out on him and in no time, he was belting out lines in sweet melodious and symphonic tunes of a-tra-la-la-la like a Songbird… a Canary, and what I found out sent me reeling! Uh Snap!

Ever had one of those experiences happen to you that’s so out there that you just play pretend and convince yourself otherwise…. that nothing of such never, ever did take place?! You know, you don’t recall or have any memory of that particular event going down, like the slate’s been wiped clean….blotted out?! I guess this is the part where I gotta launch straightways into a panic attack mode of sorts, cause its just so totally bizarre!

You see, I’ve always prided myself as one with a more than stellar memory bank and a superlative ability to recount past events with perfect clarity but in light of my new findings, its painfully obvious I’ve been under some kinda false impression and mistaken belief! That folks, is real scary; uncanny! How many more events and moments have I subconsciously and unconsciously blocked off, never to be recollected and pondered on no more?! This is rather unnerving, makes me kinda….. uneasy!

The big secret was an event that led up to our striking friendship! That defining moment he thought he’d spied and spotted the perfect companion, to complement his otherwise cool, calm and quiet disposition! He was very mild-mannered and I, well; not so much…. his thoughts!

School was in and it was early days! The first semester had just kicked off! A certain Mr A, a pretty unsavory character; was at the helms of affairs taking full reins; as he was billed to take my class Chemistry! Right from the first time he stepped his foot into my class, he’d just go off; bearing down on the lots of us! With this guy, crossing the line was second nature, effortless and he never quite came back from it once he makes it past the threshold! On the contrary, he simply just plunged further down, Dude didn’t understand boundaries!

He talked and beat down on us, calling us the most derogatory and demoralizing of names….’Morons’, ‘Numskulls’, ‘Pea-brains’, Blockheads’, ‘Airheads’ and the likes! And he doesn’t stop there, nuh-uh; he’d ensure to take his war to the home-front, saying crappy stuff like ‘The witches in your villages have sapped clean your brain cells that y’all can’t grasp simple concepts and principles’! As for us, we’d learned to look on, like frightened little animals caught in a trap; not muttering a single word! Dude was pretty fouled-up…toxic, he practically just talked our ears off! Eish!

Sitting through that class had become somewhat unbearable….hellish, that I barely managed to keep it kinda together whenever it came the time for Chemistry! Week in, week out; and you can set your clock by the fact that he’d sink lower to the abyss each time…..totally condescending! He just seemed to hit a spanking new low, spending the better part of the time allotted that course, to rain down cuss words on us! I coulda sworn he derived some  sorta sick pleasure from it! Plus, he carried on still, not giving a thought to the fact that he may be causing us harm emotionally!  We just weren’t good enough and he’d quite figured, nay; concluded, that we could never measure up to his exacting demands! Offering us absolutely no chances or benefits to just prove him wrong!

teacher

For one who’s got this pretty unbecoming knack for keeping to herself and pulling the ‘Shrinking Violet Card’, thus being a certified ‘Wallflower’ more than half the time while in college, I musta had it up to my limits with him and gotten positively pissed!  I’d most definitely had ’bout enough of him, cause as he resumed classes one fateful day and was getting into his old, lame and boring routine of a pastime, flapping off of his gums, I thought…

crap

And then, unthinking; I spoke up….did the unimaginable,

‘Do you mind Sir’?!

At this time, he scanned the lecture-room for the one who dared to speak up, interrupting him in the process! You’d think with him staring a hole through me, I’d retreat and put an end to my seemingly folly, which was a kinda spur of the moment reaction anyways! But no, I became more emboldened, I’d gone way too far to back down! So what if I’ve strayed way off of the rails and dancing vigorously on thin ice?! This is soo going down! No guts, no glory right?! Hehehe.

poo

By now, I’d gotten his full undivided attention and I continued on, pretty stoic in my approach, as he listened intently,

‘Sir,  you seem quite versed ’bout witches that if I didn’t know, I’d think you’ve had lotsa firsthand, you know; personal experiences from your village!  Would be nice learning ’bout those! So, will you be kind enough to give us the full low down or even better, we may as well just get to studying Chemistry which is why you’re here in the first place, unless am gravely mistaken, no?’

 

An eerie and pretty awkward silence descended and settled over the class as Mr  A’s confidence faltered and his composure was starting to crack! He became very disorientated and it was more than dandy, seeing him in that state! In my mind I be like ‘The jig’s up and it looks like someone’s train’s not only ran outta tracks, its also derailed and there’s simply no way out besides crashing, burning and bursting into flames of course’! ‘That’d teach you to be mean and needlessly petty next time’! As far I knew, he’d gotten his comeuppance and justice had been rightly served!

He said not a word! Rather, he fiddled around for a bit with his lecture note! When he did manage to say something, he just rambled on; teaching us as best he could! Plus, he simply couldn’t wait to get out the class! I figured it was a bad sign, his keeping mute and not addressing me straightaway, totally made me feel pretty suspicious and shaken! Lets face it good people, how much higher can one fly in the face of looming danger; before one crashes and burns huh?! I’d drawn first blood, and had absolutely no indication of what was coming!

shit

After he took his leave, things were all peachy and honky-dory as everyone bounced off of the walls in a frenzy…ecstatic! In the weeks to come, he just faced his business head-on and all was forgotten! The castigations stopped and he no longer casted aspersions our way! Perhaps he developed a heart and or had an attack of conscience, I’d never know! Whatever it was, my message seemed to have sunk in!

Flash forward to examination day and Mr. A who’d  hitherto been on his best behavior, suddenly turned on me! Seated prettily with Jay in one part of the hall that was supposed to be the venue for our papers, Dude ordered that I changed seats to the far end of the hall! As it turned out, I was the only one without a seatmate but I really could care less if he placed me atop Mount Everest; Chemistry was easily my strong point and I excelled effortlessly, totally aced it! He on the other hand, lost across board….on all counts!

It still beats me silly how an event of this magnitude coulda completely skipped my mind! As much as I try to figure this out, I just can’t fathom it! Plus, if Jay hadn’t thought to mention it to me, there’s a pretty good chance I may not have remembered it for the rest of my days! Is this pretty scary or what?! Twisted!

Images courtesy of flickr.com and google.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Of Pageants And slip-UPS….Yikes 2!

And so it was, my fate was decided….signed, sealed and delivered! It was almost as though I was staring down the barrels of a double-barrel shotgun or pump-action, so-called in some quarters; just waiting for the trigger to go off and blow up in my face, with the Marksman and Sniper, wielding the ‘arsenal of mass destruction’; being my pesky, plenty insensitive Commandant of course! In that moment, I closed my eyes shut, a gazillion thoughts running through my mind by the milliseconds; and whilst still trying to process, make a complete sense of and more or less; wrap my fingers or head around and ’bout what was ’bout ready to go down, I figured well; it was as good a time as any for a quick dash, a trip down memory lane!

thinking

My momma’s sonorous voice echoed through my subconscious and I coulda sworn I heard her scream….’Yemi, laugh like a lady’, as she’s wont to doing; in her usual characteristic manner, as I shared one of a lotta laughs with my brothers, and their friends in our frontyard! At such times, I tend to do a double take and for a little less than two minutes, all’s but silent and peaceful! You’d be correct to say or term that split moment as ‘the calm before the storm’, cause almost immediately, my buddies and I pick up from whence we left off and launch straightway into a tailspin…. a whirlwind of mad hysterics; shattering the nascent tranquility that once was; even if only for a spell!

At this point, our collective laughter’s practically slicing through the calmness of the evening and reverberating in the distance! I mean really, laugh like a lady?! What’s that?! Never quite knew there was a certain way both of the sexes were expected and or meant to laugh! Plus, that’s quite a tacky thing, seeing as laughter for the most part is a spontaneous action; it just happens! Who plans for such and then goes on to rehearsing how it oughta be done right and perfectly in line with one’s gender?! Well, definitely not me! Really, where’s the fun and fulfillment in a planned, ‘ladylike’ laughter where I can’t just let go of my inhibitions and pretty much be myself?! Am always one for a good laugh, so; Nah! I’ll simply have to pass on that ladylike bit! Soo NOT for me!

Okay! Maybe, just maybe I oughta have listened to my momma’s admonition back then! Maybe, just maybe….again, there’s a teeny, pretty tiny bit of truth and a slight chance that mummies really DO know best! Maybe! Why does it always rain on me…Eish!

Standing there like a condemned felon ’bout to be led to the gallows, I wished I’d had more practice at being a ‘lady’ and acting like one! Were mum a witness to these whole set up, she’d definitely say ‘I did tell you so Sweetness, didn’t I?! And sure enough, I’d feel guilty for a bit and then say to her ‘It isn’t over till its over mum, watch me as I take back control and drag myself outta this ‘crisis’! Needless to say, I was not gonna just give in without putting up a fight! I mean, where does this bully get off, dictating to me what I should or should not do?! I’d be sooo damned if I allowed for him carry on in the way he did, without a care; like I had absolutely nothing to say or do ’bout his excesses!

As the time slowly ticked away, and he was getting his little glam squad ready to come work their ‘wonders’ and ‘magic’ on unwilling me, it literally quite occurred to me that I had no costumes! Bingo!!! That’s just what I need! Is this my lucky day or what?! I’ll bet the bully didn’t even stop to think ’bout those! What’s a pageant without costumes and the whole full regalia that goes into making it what it oughta?! I grinned mischievously as this thought fully registered in my mind and then I found my voice again!

‘Sir, I’d really love and consider it a great honor to represent this platoon’,I said, whilst effortlessly lying through my squeaky white teeth; but I didn’t exactly come prepared for anything, least of all a beauty pageant’! ‘You see Sir, I continued on; trying desperately hard not to give away and hide that absolute delight I was feeling at the time; at having stumbled on a winning excuse to hit the road and return back to my life as I knew it; before this whole pageant nightmare thingy reared its ugly head! ‘I don’t quite possess the full regalia I’d be needing for an event of this nature’! ‘I’m very sorry Sir’, I finished, perfectly convinced this was the big break I needed to get outta my predicament! I’d like to see him recover and come back from this shocker I sneered inwardly, I’ll bet he didn’t see that coming! Bullseye!!!

In thy face, suckerrr!!! YES!

Having acted out my script so well, I’d expected to hear something along the lines of, ‘Oh, that’s true; without a costume, you can’t enter for the contest’, no hassles; you can go now’! Like duh! Wishful thinking! If there was ever a time I desperately wished to have that infamous phrase ‘Be careful what you wish for, for you just might get it’, happen to me, this was as good  a time as any! But then, FAT chance! Psst!

Dude was unmoved and I wondered if he’d even heard a word of what I’d said! By the time he spoke up, I was in for a shocker of my own! He dropped the bomb on me that he’d sourced for all of the costumes I’d be needing and I needn’t bother my pretty lil sweet head ’bout a thing! All the bases were pretty much covered to the minutest detail! All I needed do was shut up, show up, go with the flow, smile and be real pretty, after going through a beauty regimen and fitting session to see which of ’em costumes was all ‘me’, as in; the ones that fitted perfectly! Huh?! Rats, what gumption!!! Oh, how very splendidly classy! Oomph!

‘There goes my gazillion pounds plan to elude and wriggle outta this bad episode, but if this Soldier man thinks he’s gotten me boxed into a corner and figured out, then he’s got something else coming’, I muttered to myself! I’ll die first before being paraded and put on exhibition like some piece of artwork or ‘artefact’ for hungry eyes to take in, ravage and make a spectacle of! It should be my call, not his or anyone else’s!  Why in the name of all things that he holds sacred, can he not just get it and ‘for-GIT’ it?! Why?!

It was on to plan ‘B’ for me! ‘Sir, I’m sorry but its taboo that I wear other people’s items of clothing, its completely against my beliefs and principles, that I share those with strangers’! I was getting very flustered and frustrated at this point and I’d pretty much hoped he’d just respect my stance and let me off the hook already! ‘Its really nice that you don’t wear other people’s clothes but am also sure that it wouldn’t be taboo to have you sent to a faraway local government area lacking of basic amenities and infrastructure; for your primary assignment’, he said! And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse off than they already were, he chipped in this…’IN A CANOE RIDE!!!’ Finishing with an air of arrogance and super-authoritative finality! The Sonofagun!

Can he REALLY do that and am I also in the form and mood to find out?! I asked myself as I pondered over my next course of action! Does he wield that much of an influence and power to make good on his threat of having me bundled off to the middle of nowhere or shall I just call his bluff, walk and damn the consequences?! This guy’s dreadful, he sure knows how to play dirty and had pretty much planned everything down to the last detail! Plus, he’d quite anticipated I’d put up some kinda fight and resistance in doing his bidding! What an Eel! Slippery and oh so sly! So, am left in the dumps and at a crossroad…..to be or not to be?!

yes | by claudia hering (sundance)

I thought, a few hours in Hell or a coupla months in HELL?…. suddenly realizing all of my plans had finally hit a dead-end! It really was a no-brainer as I resignedly but begrudgingly accepted to represent my platoon on the big night, which in retrospect was just a very few number of hours, ticking real slowly but steadily away, having settled for the lesser of two evils! ‘Its all for the best’, I comforted myself; better the pageant than some remote far off place off of the world map, where I’d be left hanging out on the rails to dry! The horror!

`174 | Hanging by a moment. | by v1nz`

That was how my little diatribe and debacle with ‘Major Pain’ played out! The next coupla hours was gonna be a real trying one for me, as my whole world was sent plunging on a downward spiral, spinning right outta control! Plus, my perception ’bout pageants and those who are brave enough to muscle up the courage and guts to participate in ’em, was changed forever!  Oh yeah!

Images courtesy of flickr.com

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