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The Reunion With A Tinge Of Nostalgia!

A couple weeks back, my Bestie, Jay; from during my college days, sprang up on me like a lightning bolt from outta the blues, and immediately; mails flew fast and furious between us two in our bid and excitement to playing catch up, reliving times and moments gone by! We also ensured to bring each other up to speed ’bout happenstances in our lives in the now!

 

There was a growing need to reconnect with me as a result of a book he’d authored, chronicling his career life! I wondered how I fitted into that bit, especially seeing as it was an autobiography of sorts coupled with the fact that we’d been out of touch for such a long time! Interest piqued, and curiosity getting the best of me, I got cracking; wanting to know why my name came up for mention at all! At first, he wouldn’t let on; and then he gave me the run around, pussy-footing all over me and saying I’d have to wait it out to discover this ‘mystery’, when the book does finally make it to the stores and hits the shelves! ‘I’d sooo make you crave for my book, Yemi; he says, the suspense will do you some amount of good’! He gloated on!

Not one to back down easy, I cranked up the heat and wheedled him endlessly to fess up ’bout this seemingly big secret of his! I mean, we’d grown apart and gone our separate ways right after graduation and the tides had swept us off to different plains and shores! Plus, thoughts of him had pretty much become fewer and farther between! ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ does come to mind at this point… totally spot on is that adage! It was therefore a thing of great surprise and delight, that he’d even think to remember me, and much less; think me worthy of  mention in his ‘baby’ and pet project that’s his first book!

I am quite the persistent one, if I do say so myself; needless to say I bugged out on him and in no time, he was belting out lines in sweet melodious and symphonic tunes of a-tra-la-la-la like a Songbird… a Canary, and what I found out sent me reeling! Uh Snap!

Ever had one of those experiences happen to you that’s so out there that you just play pretend and convince yourself otherwise…. that nothing of such never, ever did take place?! You know, you don’t recall or have any memory of that particular event going down, like the slate’s been wiped clean….blotted out?! I guess this is the part where I gotta launch straightways into a panic attack mode of sorts, cause its just so totally bizarre!

You see, I’ve always prided myself as one with a more than stellar memory bank and a superlative ability to recount past events with perfect clarity but in light of my new findings, its painfully obvious I’ve been under some kinda false impression and mistaken belief! That folks, is real scary; uncanny! How many more events and moments have I subconsciously and unconsciously blocked off, never to be recollected and pondered on no more?! This is rather unnerving, makes me kinda….. uneasy!

The big secret was an event that led up to our striking friendship! That defining moment he thought he’d spied and spotted the perfect companion, to complement his otherwise cool, calm and quiet disposition! He was very mild-mannered and I, well; not so much…. his thoughts!

School was in and it was early days! The first semester had just kicked off! A certain Mr A, a pretty unsavory character; was at the helms of affairs taking full reins; as he was billed to take my class Chemistry! Right from the first time he stepped his foot into my class, he’d just go off; bearing down on the lots of us! With this guy, crossing the line was second nature, effortless and he never quite came back from it once he makes it past the threshold! On the contrary, he simply just plunged further down, Dude didn’t understand boundaries!

He talked and beat down on us, calling us the most derogatory and demoralizing of names….’Morons’, ‘Numskulls’, ‘Pea-brains’, Blockheads’, ‘Airheads’ and the likes! And he doesn’t stop there, nuh-uh; he’d ensure to take his war to the home-front, saying crappy stuff like ‘The witches in your villages have sapped clean your brain cells that y’all can’t grasp simple concepts and principles’! As for us, we’d learned to look on, like frightened little animals caught in a trap; not muttering a single word! Dude was pretty fouled-up…toxic, he practically just talked our ears off! Eish!

Sitting through that class had become somewhat unbearable….hellish, that I barely managed to keep it kinda together whenever it came the time for Chemistry! Week in, week out; and you can set your clock by the fact that he’d sink lower to the abyss each time…..totally condescending! He just seemed to hit a spanking new low, spending the better part of the time allotted that course, to rain down cuss words on us! I coulda sworn he derived some  sorta sick pleasure from it! Plus, he carried on still, not giving a thought to the fact that he may be causing us harm emotionally!  We just weren’t good enough and he’d quite figured, nay; concluded, that we could never measure up to his exacting demands! Offering us absolutely no chances or benefits to just prove him wrong!

teacher

For one who’s got this pretty unbecoming knack for keeping to herself and pulling the ‘Shrinking Violet Card’, thus being a certified ‘Wallflower’ more than half the time while in college, I musta had it up to my limits with him and gotten positively pissed!  I’d most definitely had ’bout enough of him, cause as he resumed classes one fateful day and was getting into his old, lame and boring routine of a pastime, flapping off of his gums, I thought…

crap

And then, unthinking; I spoke up….did the unimaginable,

‘Do you mind Sir’?!

At this time, he scanned the lecture-room for the one who dared to speak up, interrupting him in the process! You’d think with him staring a hole through me, I’d retreat and put an end to my seemingly folly, which was a kinda spur of the moment reaction anyways! But no, I became more emboldened, I’d gone way too far to back down! So what if I’ve strayed way off of the rails and dancing vigorously on thin ice?! This is soo going down! No guts, no glory right?! Hehehe.

poo

By now, I’d gotten his full undivided attention and I continued on, pretty stoic in my approach, as he listened intently,

‘Sir,  you seem quite versed ’bout witches that if I didn’t know, I’d think you’ve had lotsa firsthand, you know; personal experiences from your village!  Would be nice learning ’bout those! So, will you be kind enough to give us the full low down or even better, we may as well just get to studying Chemistry which is why you’re here in the first place, unless am gravely mistaken, no?’

 

An eerie and pretty awkward silence descended and settled over the class as Mr  A’s confidence faltered and his composure was starting to crack! He became very disorientated and it was more than dandy, seeing him in that state! In my mind I be like ‘The jig’s up and it looks like someone’s train’s not only ran outta tracks, its also derailed and there’s simply no way out besides crashing, burning and bursting into flames of course’! ‘That’d teach you to be mean and needlessly petty next time’! As far I knew, he’d gotten his comeuppance and justice had been rightly served!

He said not a word! Rather, he fiddled around for a bit with his lecture note! When he did manage to say something, he just rambled on; teaching us as best he could! Plus, he simply couldn’t wait to get out the class! I figured it was a bad sign, his keeping mute and not addressing me straightaway, totally made me feel pretty suspicious and shaken! Lets face it good people, how much higher can one fly in the face of looming danger; before one crashes and burns huh?! I’d drawn first blood, and had absolutely no indication of what was coming!

shit

After he took his leave, things were all peachy and honky-dory as everyone bounced off of the walls in a frenzy…ecstatic! In the weeks to come, he just faced his business head-on and all was forgotten! The castigations stopped and he no longer casted aspersions our way! Perhaps he developed a heart and or had an attack of conscience, I’d never know! Whatever it was, my message seemed to have sunk in!

Flash forward to examination day and Mr. A who’d  hitherto been on his best behavior, suddenly turned on me! Seated prettily with Jay in one part of the hall that was supposed to be the venue for our papers, Dude ordered that I changed seats to the far end of the hall! As it turned out, I was the only one without a seatmate but I really could care less if he placed me atop Mount Everest; Chemistry was easily my strong point and I excelled effortlessly, totally aced it! He on the other hand, lost across board….on all counts!

It still beats me silly how an event of this magnitude coulda completely skipped my mind! As much as I try to figure this out, I just can’t fathom it! Plus, if Jay hadn’t thought to mention it to me, there’s a pretty good chance I may not have remembered it for the rest of my days! Is this pretty scary or what?! Twisted!

Images courtesy of flickr.com and google.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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May I Please have This….Date?!

In forging great friendships and relationships, especially as it applies to that first ever meeting, getting off to a bad or wrong start and footing’s soo not an option! This can mar and pull the plugs right off of a relationship that may otherwise have been really great and exciting, before it kicks off or sees the light of day! Against this backdrop, I wanna talk ’bout the perks of reeling out the dopest pick-up lines, cause that is the first ever step, to get things moving right along!

While some pick-up lines are totally ‘Aww-worthy’, others are ‘Huh-worthy’ and some others still yet, are just plain ‘What were you thinking, pretty lame-worthy’! When someone who for instance prides him/herself as hot, and then opens up his/her mouth to spew out a really lame or dumb line, without being the wiser that his/her egg’s knocking pretty hard against a rock……then, something’s most definitely wrong somewhere!

Which brings me to a certain scenario, where a guy walks up to me and says ‘Hi, my name’s Jimmy; we met at a party on the Island over the weekend’! Now, I already know what Jim’s playing at, but I humor him anyways; I mean, a party over the weekend and on the Island like really?! How?!

I’d decided I’d be on my best ever behavior you see, and so I respond to him saying ‘I’m sorry Jimmy, but you’ve obviously gotten me mixed up with someone else and I really have to get a move on, the timing’s not so good, cheers’! ‘I coulda sworn that was you’, he chimed; ‘so sorry’! So, I quickly remove myself from that situation before the next rehearsed few pick-up lines rolled off of his tongue and leapt straight, right at me!

Some other time, this very same guy; who I immediately recognized as Jimmy, yup; walked up to me again and before he could open up his mouth to say those infamous lines I was so darned sure he would, I beat him right to it and quickly blurted ‘Hi, your name’s Jimmy and we supposedly met at a party on the Island over the course of the weekend, didn’t we?!’  I mean lets face it guys, defence is the best form of attack init?! Need I say Jimmy was tongue-tied at this point?! Well, if y’all really need for me to say it, I will just get to it then….Jimmy held his peace, backed away slowly;, and went on his jolly way! He said absolutely nothing and I continued on, laughing and walking right on! Case dismissed! Okay, that was so painfully awkward, cruel maybe, but hey; we win some and lose some init?!

Sitting underneath the large mango tree in front of my department in College, leafing through my lecture note to brush up and put finishing touches to studying for a class test which was just barely an hour away by the next period, I heard a voice, making an inquiry! ‘Hi, my name’s Francis, please; where can I go to get something to eat around here’?! Absent-mindedly, I waved in the direction of the line-up of food stalls, just within eye-shot from where I was seated, without sparing the one who did the asking, even a glance! ‘You don’t seem to understand me do you’?! He rapped on! Okay, so this dude aint taking the hint that I’d rather be left alone; especially as I had a test coming up in a bit and I really didn’t have the time for chitty-chatter and any such frivolities! This was serious business and I’d sworn I’d either ace that test or die trying, such was my determination!

Again, I figured if I didn’t lose him in the nick of time, then my plans to play catch up would simply go up in flames and blow up in my face! Something’s gotta give, I wagered; so I decided to play this real cool by the ears, smile, be nice and act civil! I looked up for the first time ever and NO, I know what y’all are thinking, he wasn’t your conventional TDH, so I wasn’t exactly tranced out and rooted to the spot or anything, was wayyyy too busy studying you see, no time! Gotcha! Aha!

Francis was unpretentious, donned a really thick-lens eyeglasses, with teeny- tiny eyes behind ’em! He stood about 5’7 high and had this characteristic posture he’d gotten accustomed to over time! He walked with his two hands behind him, clasped, back bent and seemed to mutter to himself, I think unconsciously; whenever he walked! He was one of a kind, hardly smiled; and pretty much grouchy, half of the time! I used to liken him to Muttley, the cartoon character with the famed…’Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya’, yaps!

I pointed him again in the direction of the food stalls and told him he could get something to eat over there! He responded by saying ‘I’m not looking to ‘feed’, I’m looking to ‘eat’! And I be like ‘huh? I don’t follow’! ‘I’ve been there you see, he responded, and I didn’t like what I saw’! ‘I’m a Corps Member posted to this part, having studied Microbiology at the University of Lagos’! ‘I’m pretty new to this place, and I REALLY need to ‘eat’!

At this point in time, he’d gotten my full and undivided attention! Putting off my bright idea of studying aside and firmly on to the back burner, I decided to tackle this guy, who at this time had quite succeeded in piquing my interest to no end, head-on! I mean, eating and getting fed was pretty much one and the same till he came along! Who knew?!

I quickly got to introducing myself to him, welcoming him aboard and added too that I had a test coming up shortly and urgently needed to get back to my books! Dude was having none of that! He insisted I must point him elsewhere, where he could get some ‘real’ food! ‘How ’bout getting it done yourself Francis ,ei?!’ ‘Surely, if you recognize that one meal tastes awfully bad, then am guessing its because you possess the culinary skills and know-how, to go rustle something more befitting of your royal taste buds, can’t you now’?! I chipped in matter-of-factly, whilst picking up my books and making for my class as the test was just ’bout ready to start! He grinned and said I’ll definitely like to see you again and with that, he left! Never quite knew he had it in him to…..smile?! Surprise, surprise!

I turned his tour guide for the period he was with us and I remember a social function was billed to hold at my department at some period in time! I’d invited him over to come hang out with me and my colleagues! It was an event that promised to be exciting with foods, drinks, friends and good times! He obliged me and I got us two bottles of the well spiced up local non-alcoholic beverage otherwise known as ‘Zobo’ drink, pretty popular in that part, for us to drink; in line with my getting him more familiar with the offerings and tastes of his new environment! While I downed my beverage, he dawdled on his! I eventually trashed the empty bottle and he gives me his saying he’d had enough! I was pretty taken aback cause he hardly drank up to a quarter of the contents of that beverage and so, I emptied the remaining on the lawn and trashed the bottle! The following dialogue ensued thereafter:

Him: Yemi, are you sure those grasses stand any more chances of ever growing again?!

Me: However do you mean Francis?!

Him: I mean, seeing as my saliva’s toxic and venomous; don’t you suppose you’ve done a major harm to the poor grasses where you just emptied my ‘undrunk’ Zobo beverage, ei?!

I was pretty conflicted at this point and didn’t quite latch on to whatever the heck he was harping on ’bout, so I asked ‘Can you quit speaking jungle and speak English already?!

Him: Why didn’t you just drink the bloody thing?! There, I said it! After all, you just downed yours so fast and I can quite tell and appreciate the fact that you actually did love it! So, why didn’t you just do same with mine rather than having to waste it like that?! Pray, tell!

I stormed off laughing myself raw, before returning again to thrash things out with him!

Me: Hold on Francis, you REALLY expected that I’d drink from your bottle like seriously?!

Him: Why, that’s such a bad idea I see!

Me: No, it isn’t, but you didn’t exactly share or partake of mine so why should I yours ehn?!

Francis: Just because! It was the right thing to do!

Me: Says who?! You really are serious then aren’t you?! No kidding?!

And at that, he blew me off, shrugged and returned to his usual grumpy self! Some things never change, I said aloud and may as well have been talking to a wall! He totally just ignored me!

Francis was the absolute perfect stranger! He was usually moody but beneath all of that was this great guy, really brilliant with a beautiful persona and insanely crazy sense of humor!  I never really got round to asking ’bout the ‘eating’ and ‘feeding’ thingy, to know if he was practically just fooling around in his bid to starting up and initiating a conversation with me, but that line was a win in all of its ridiculous totality! Worked for me like absolutely!

Images courtesy of flickr.com

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Guest Post

Babe + Ruth Forever!

 

And so, my ‘Liebster Award’ nominees train moves right along, with my next stop at Babe’s!  I do especially love to call her ‘The King Of Queens Of Funny’ and ‘Phoenix’, for the mere reason, nay; fact that she inspires me a WHOLE lot! She’s an Amazon, a Fighter and a Victor, thus the appellation, ‘Phoenix’! Through all of her life’s woes and struggles, she comes out smelling like the most beautiful and sweetest of scented roses, taking all in her strides and managing somehow, someway; to smile and laugh through life’s adversities! She’s witty, feisty, fierce, fabulous and very intelligent, a firebrand! She’s the phenomenal one with the pen name, ‘Outlier Babe’, and she blogs here! If you’re not afraid to get your ‘silly on’ and laugh yourself sore whilst picking up life lessons and getting plenty inspired too, then she’s your ‘Man’! She’s my idol and I love her to pretty bits and teeny-tiny pieces, TOTALLY!

Thank you sooo much for doing this for me Phoenix, God bless and keep you and all of yours ma pumpkin! You do know you rock doncha?! Well then, now you do and I flatter you …….NOT! *smoochies*


 
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Nabbed

I’d just graduated High School, a couple months previous and was awaiting my admission to College! At this time, I was going rock steady with my then boyfriend and now heartthrob and hubby, in a relationship! I however decided to get me an holiday job to keep busy whilst waiting for my admission to pull through! Thanks to an aunt of mine who was so well connected and a social butterfly by all standards, I landed a great, very lucrative job, well paying for a student like me and I pretty much just lived it up! Life couldn’t be more beautiful for me at that point in time! I mean; school was out temporarily, I had the absolute perfect boyfriend, a ‘dreamboat’ he was, still is! I could pay my way through without having to resort to just the allowances I got from my folks; which had pretty much stopped coming in once I clinched that job by the way and well,  I was homefree as a bird! Freedom’s blissfully blissful, I mean, why the heck not! You’re. Only. Young. Once. YOYO, right?! Oh yeah! *nodding affirmatively*

So, after a very hectic day at work, I get off of my shift and get ready to head on home! Getting to the park, there was a throng of people; just waiting to get aboard a bus, all lined up and waiting their turns! I fall in line and before long, my bus appears and we all file in orderly! I planted myself beside the guy who was directly before me on the queue, the bus fills up and we get a move on!

All was quiet and tranquil till my commuting companion, who was such a delightful eyeful if I say so myself; engages me in a chit-chat! Over time, we were yacking away like long lost buddies, chattering whilst being so chummy and carefree, pretty sucked into the convo; oblivious of the on-goings around us! You know what they say ’bout things not staying sunny in ‘Pleasantsville’ forever?! Yep! I was ’bout to find that out, the hard way!

Minutes from our destination, I felt a nudge from behind me! I thought absolutely nothing of it, I mean, why should I?! Who in their right minds nudges a complete, random stranger on a bus ride and whatever for?! Thinking nothing of it,I shrugged it off as an error and continued on in my chitty-chatter with my fellow commuting companion, without not so much as a backward glance!

Again, I felt a prodding from behind me! This time around, it was slightly different! Certainly not a gentle tapping, more like a light blow! In my mind, I figured; twice is no accident and there was nothing subtle ’bout this particular ‘pounding’! Bracing up, and rising to the challenge, I was ready to give the pesky fella a teensy-weensy, ‘teeny-tiny’ piece of my mind; a tongue-lashing he/she would live to remember in a very long time! I can get really lethal at times like this that you really don’t wanna mess with me and be in on my bad side, its brutal I promise! Hmph!

Turning around in my seat slowly, whilst rehearsing the best lines I’d managed to come up with; I was ’bout opening up my mouth in protest to release and spew out the arsenals I’d concocted, when it hit me!  I mean, he hit me HARD! I beheld his face and peered into his eyes! Those all-too-familiar beautiful eyes, that are definitely anything but alien to me! Except well this time around, if looks could kill, I’d be six foot under! Aint nuttin’ cute ’bout ’em at this point!  Mischief and daredevilry glowingly radiated from deep within and they seemed to tell a tale! One which could best be summed up as ‘Busted, you’ve been caught with both your ‘paws’ in the cookie jar; so what do you have to say for yourself now’?! Damn! I just messed up, I’ve been had! What a spoiler! Grrrrrrrr!

At this point in time, I was too shocked to utter a word, seeing as those words hung suspended in my mouth, and my mouth in turn was pretty wide agape for the obvious reason that I just beheld my then boyfriend and now heartthrob slash hubby! I quietly assumed my normal seating position, only now, I was wearing a pale ghostly look and well, Cat caught my tongue! My commuting companion was totally lost and demanded to know what that was all ’bout, genuine concern written all over his cute face!

Muscling up some much needed inner strength, I told him my boyfriend was seated right behind me and he’d been listening in on our conversation the whole time, whilst watching our antics! Moreover, am guessing he decided to register his presence; when he’d about heard and had enough of our conversation!

It was his turn to launch into silent mode, while he attempted to steal a glance at the ‘stalker’, who seemed to be enjoying our nascent discomfiture and awkwardness! So, pretty much for the rest of the journey, we kept to ourselves!

The bus pulls up at the final stop, and one after the other; everyone disembarks! To salvage an already awkward situation, I spoke up and it went a little something like this….. ‘Em……..Nosa, meet Tony my boyfriend, Tony……Nosa, my …..friend’?!

They shook hands, with me just standing there and with a wooden look on my face, Nosa said his byes and with a slight droop of his shoulders and crestfallen looks, he left us there; disappearing into the dark night!

My boyfriend scornfully went on to apologize for ruining and putting a damper on what may have possibly developed into a date, with possibly the exchange of contacts and what not! One look at him, and I told him to piss off! I was too embarrassed to think he’d been following right from when I got off work, boarded two buses at different times and stops, plus, I was absolutely clueless, as in I was right off the ‘Cluelessville Express’, at super-turbo; with such good-spirited gusto! Was none the wiser!  Hoo boy! Seriously?! Jeez!

I feigned anger and he pulled me closer in a warm embrace and said it was alright really and that he actually did enjoy every bit of the time he spent on that bus ride! And well, he was laughing his head off! I hit him on his back playfully, joined in his mirthful laughter, we held hands and proceeded on home!

Thank goodness my conversation with my commuting companion hadn’t veered towards murky waters or anything you’d consider inappropriate! We just well, talked! That was a close call, Phew! Just supposing the guy asked me out and I said yes, I wonder what my boyfriend woulda done then! I posed that question to him and he said he was sure I’d turn Nosa down outrightly!  Aw! Such great trust!

In closing, and as an aside, I recently watched this feature on Crime and Investigation, where a woman attempted killing her hubby! She thereafter waited several minutes to be sure he was history before putting a call through to 911! The paramedics arrived the scene, swung into action and miraculously felt a pulse! He was immediately rushed to the ER, and after a much successful surgical procedure, he lived to tell the story of the vicious attack he suffered at the hands of none other person than his wife! He identified her as his assailant to the cops and she was later arrested, tried and thrown into the slammer for attempted homicide!

It got more interesting when the narrator reeled out these following lines in closing…. ‘Murder 101: You REALLY wanna make sure your victim’s dead, before the paramedics and the cops show up”! That got me tearing up and laughing myself beyond sore! Where am I going with all these ramblings, I can almost hear you scream into my ears! Well, chillax guys and just work me here! Are we cool now?!

Here goes….so, like me, whenever you feel the desperate need to  embark on a ‘charm offensive’ and  take your ‘flirtatious skills’ on a test drive of the town….. unlike me, ensure your partner’s not within ‘ear and or eye shot’! Else like me again, you’d get nabbed and unlike me….. with your hands really dirty! And in my usual characteristic manner, you can thank me for this heads-up, no charge! I mean, really!

All images courtesy of http://www.google.com

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