Uncategorized

May I Please have This….Date?!

In forging great friendships and relationships, especially as it applies to that first ever meeting, getting off to a bad or wrong start and footing’s soo not an option! This can mar and pull the plugs right off of a relationship that may otherwise have been really great and exciting, before it kicks off or sees the light of day! Against this backdrop, I wanna talk ’bout the perks of reeling out the dopest pick-up lines, cause that is the first ever step, to get things moving right along!

While some pick-up lines are totally ‘Aww-worthy’, others are ‘Huh-worthy’ and some others still yet, are just plain ‘What were you thinking, pretty lame-worthy’! When someone who for instance prides him/herself as hot, and then opens up his/her mouth to spew out a really lame or dumb line, without being the wiser that his/her egg’s knocking pretty hard against a rock……then, something’s most definitely wrong somewhere!

Which brings me to a certain scenario, where a guy walks up to me and says ‘Hi, my name’s Jimmy; we met at a party on the Island over the weekend’! Now, I already know what Jim’s playing at, but I humor him anyways; I mean, a party over the weekend and on the Island like really?! How?!

I’d decided I’d be on my best ever behavior you see, and so I respond to him saying ‘I’m sorry Jimmy, but you’ve obviously gotten me mixed up with someone else and I really have to get a move on, the timing’s not so good, cheers’! ‘I coulda sworn that was you’, he chimed; ‘so sorry’! So, I quickly remove myself from that situation before the next rehearsed few pick-up lines rolled off of his tongue and leapt straight, right at me!

Some other time, this very same guy; who I immediately recognized as Jimmy, yup; walked up to me again and before he could open up his mouth to say those infamous lines I was so darned sure he would, I beat him right to it and quickly blurted ‘Hi, your name’s Jimmy and we supposedly met at a party on the Island over the course of the weekend, didn’t we?!’  I mean lets face it guys, defence is the best form of attack init?! Need I say Jimmy was tongue-tied at this point?! Well, if y’all really need for me to say it, I will just get to it then….Jimmy held his peace, backed away slowly;, and went on his jolly way! He said absolutely nothing and I continued on, laughing and walking right on! Case dismissed! Okay, that was so painfully awkward, cruel maybe, but hey; we win some and lose some init?!

Sitting underneath the large mango tree in front of my department in College, leafing through my lecture note to brush up and put finishing touches to studying for a class test which was just barely an hour away by the next period, I heard a voice, making an inquiry! ‘Hi, my name’s Francis, please; where can I go to get something to eat around here’?! Absent-mindedly, I waved in the direction of the line-up of food stalls, just within eye-shot from where I was seated, without sparing the one who did the asking, even a glance! ‘You don’t seem to understand me do you’?! He rapped on! Okay, so this dude aint taking the hint that I’d rather be left alone; especially as I had a test coming up in a bit and I really didn’t have the time for chitty-chatter and any such frivolities! This was serious business and I’d sworn I’d either ace that test or die trying, such was my determination!

Again, I figured if I didn’t lose him in the nick of time, then my plans to play catch up would simply go up in flames and blow up in my face! Something’s gotta give, I wagered; so I decided to play this real cool by the ears, smile, be nice and act civil! I looked up for the first time ever and NO, I know what y’all are thinking, he wasn’t your conventional TDH, so I wasn’t exactly tranced out and rooted to the spot or anything, was wayyyy too busy studying you see, no time! Gotcha! Aha!

Francis was unpretentious, donned a really thick-lens eyeglasses, with teeny- tiny eyes behind ’em! He stood about 5’7 high and had this characteristic posture he’d gotten accustomed to over time! He walked with his two hands behind him, clasped, back bent and seemed to mutter to himself, I think unconsciously; whenever he walked! He was one of a kind, hardly smiled; and pretty much grouchy, half of the time! I used to liken him to Muttley, the cartoon character with the famed…’Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya’, yaps!

I pointed him again in the direction of the food stalls and told him he could get something to eat over there! He responded by saying ‘I’m not looking to ‘feed’, I’m looking to ‘eat’! And I be like ‘huh? I don’t follow’! ‘I’ve been there you see, he responded, and I didn’t like what I saw’! ‘I’m a Corps Member posted to this part, having studied Microbiology at the University of Lagos’! ‘I’m pretty new to this place, and I REALLY need to ‘eat’!

At this point in time, he’d gotten my full and undivided attention! Putting off my bright idea of studying aside and firmly on to the back burner, I decided to tackle this guy, who at this time had quite succeeded in piquing my interest to no end, head-on! I mean, eating and getting fed was pretty much one and the same till he came along! Who knew?!

I quickly got to introducing myself to him, welcoming him aboard and added too that I had a test coming up shortly and urgently needed to get back to my books! Dude was having none of that! He insisted I must point him elsewhere, where he could get some ‘real’ food! ‘How ’bout getting it done yourself Francis ,ei?!’ ‘Surely, if you recognize that one meal tastes awfully bad, then am guessing its because you possess the culinary skills and know-how, to go rustle something more befitting of your royal taste buds, can’t you now’?! I chipped in matter-of-factly, whilst picking up my books and making for my class as the test was just ’bout ready to start! He grinned and said I’ll definitely like to see you again and with that, he left! Never quite knew he had it in him to…..smile?! Surprise, surprise!

I turned his tour guide for the period he was with us and I remember a social function was billed to hold at my department at some period in time! I’d invited him over to come hang out with me and my colleagues! It was an event that promised to be exciting with foods, drinks, friends and good times! He obliged me and I got us two bottles of the well spiced up local non-alcoholic beverage otherwise known as ‘Zobo’ drink, pretty popular in that part, for us to drink; in line with my getting him more familiar with the offerings and tastes of his new environment! While I downed my beverage, he dawdled on his! I eventually trashed the empty bottle and he gives me his saying he’d had enough! I was pretty taken aback cause he hardly drank up to a quarter of the contents of that beverage and so, I emptied the remaining on the lawn and trashed the bottle! The following dialogue ensued thereafter:

Him: Yemi, are you sure those grasses stand any more chances of ever growing again?!

Me: However do you mean Francis?!

Him: I mean, seeing as my saliva’s toxic and venomous; don’t you suppose you’ve done a major harm to the poor grasses where you just emptied my ‘undrunk’ Zobo beverage, ei?!

I was pretty conflicted at this point and didn’t quite latch on to whatever the heck he was harping on ’bout, so I asked ‘Can you quit speaking jungle and speak English already?!

Him: Why didn’t you just drink the bloody thing?! There, I said it! After all, you just downed yours so fast and I can quite tell and appreciate the fact that you actually did love it! So, why didn’t you just do same with mine rather than having to waste it like that?! Pray, tell!

I stormed off laughing myself raw, before returning again to thrash things out with him!

Me: Hold on Francis, you REALLY expected that I’d drink from your bottle like seriously?!

Him: Why, that’s such a bad idea I see!

Me: No, it isn’t, but you didn’t exactly share or partake of mine so why should I yours ehn?!

Francis: Just because! It was the right thing to do!

Me: Says who?! You really are serious then aren’t you?! No kidding?!

And at that, he blew me off, shrugged and returned to his usual grumpy self! Some things never change, I said aloud and may as well have been talking to a wall! He totally just ignored me!

Francis was the absolute perfect stranger! He was usually moody but beneath all of that was this great guy, really brilliant with a beautiful persona and insanely crazy sense of humor!  I never really got round to asking ’bout the ‘eating’ and ‘feeding’ thingy, to know if he was practically just fooling around in his bid to starting up and initiating a conversation with me, but that line was a win in all of its ridiculous totality! Worked for me like absolutely!

Images courtesy of flickr.com

Advertisements
Standard