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May I Please have This….Date?!

In forging great friendships and relationships, especially as it applies to that first ever meeting, getting off to a bad or wrong start and footing’s soo not an option! This can mar and pull the plugs right off of a relationship that may otherwise have been really great and exciting, before it kicks off or sees the light of day! Against this backdrop, I wanna talk ’bout the perks of reeling out the dopest pick-up lines, cause that is the first ever step, to get things moving right along!

While some pick-up lines are totally ‘Aww-worthy’, others are ‘Huh-worthy’ and some others still yet, are just plain ‘What were you thinking, pretty lame-worthy’! When someone who for instance prides him/herself as hot, and then opens up his/her mouth to spew out a really lame or dumb line, without being the wiser that his/her egg’s knocking pretty hard against a rock……then, something’s most definitely wrong somewhere!

Which brings me to a certain scenario, where a guy walks up to me and says ‘Hi, my name’s Jimmy; we met at a party on the Island over the weekend’! Now, I already know what Jim’s playing at, but I humor him anyways; I mean, a party over the weekend and on the Island like really?! How?!

I’d decided I’d be on my best ever behavior you see, and so I respond to him saying ‘I’m sorry Jimmy, but you’ve obviously gotten me mixed up with someone else and I really have to get a move on, the timing’s not so good, cheers’! ‘I coulda sworn that was you’, he chimed; ‘so sorry’! So, I quickly remove myself from that situation before the next rehearsed few pick-up lines rolled off of his tongue and leapt straight, right at me!

Some other time, this very same guy; who I immediately recognized as Jimmy, yup; walked up to me again and before he could open up his mouth to say those infamous lines I was so darned sure he would, I beat him right to it and quickly blurted ‘Hi, your name’s Jimmy and we supposedly met at a party on the Island over the course of the weekend, didn’t we?!’  I mean lets face it guys, defence is the best form of attack init?! Need I say Jimmy was tongue-tied at this point?! Well, if y’all really need for me to say it, I will just get to it then….Jimmy held his peace, backed away slowly;, and went on his jolly way! He said absolutely nothing and I continued on, laughing and walking right on! Case dismissed! Okay, that was so painfully awkward, cruel maybe, but hey; we win some and lose some init?!

Sitting underneath the large mango tree in front of my department in College, leafing through my lecture note to brush up and put finishing touches to studying for a class test which was just barely an hour away by the next period, I heard a voice, making an inquiry! ‘Hi, my name’s Francis, please; where can I go to get something to eat around here’?! Absent-mindedly, I waved in the direction of the line-up of food stalls, just within eye-shot from where I was seated, without sparing the one who did the asking, even a glance! ‘You don’t seem to understand me do you’?! He rapped on! Okay, so this dude aint taking the hint that I’d rather be left alone; especially as I had a test coming up in a bit and I really didn’t have the time for chitty-chatter and any such frivolities! This was serious business and I’d sworn I’d either ace that test or die trying, such was my determination!

Again, I figured if I didn’t lose him in the nick of time, then my plans to play catch up would simply go up in flames and blow up in my face! Something’s gotta give, I wagered; so I decided to play this real cool by the ears, smile, be nice and act civil! I looked up for the first time ever and NO, I know what y’all are thinking, he wasn’t your conventional TDH, so I wasn’t exactly tranced out and rooted to the spot or anything, was wayyyy too busy studying you see, no time! Gotcha! Aha!

Francis was unpretentious, donned a really thick-lens eyeglasses, with teeny- tiny eyes behind ’em! He stood about 5’7 high and had this characteristic posture he’d gotten accustomed to over time! He walked with his two hands behind him, clasped, back bent and seemed to mutter to himself, I think unconsciously; whenever he walked! He was one of a kind, hardly smiled; and pretty much grouchy, half of the time! I used to liken him to Muttley, the cartoon character with the famed…’Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya’, yaps!

I pointed him again in the direction of the food stalls and told him he could get something to eat over there! He responded by saying ‘I’m not looking to ‘feed’, I’m looking to ‘eat’! And I be like ‘huh? I don’t follow’! ‘I’ve been there you see, he responded, and I didn’t like what I saw’! ‘I’m a Corps Member posted to this part, having studied Microbiology at the University of Lagos’! ‘I’m pretty new to this place, and I REALLY need to ‘eat’!

At this point in time, he’d gotten my full and undivided attention! Putting off my bright idea of studying aside and firmly on to the back burner, I decided to tackle this guy, who at this time had quite succeeded in piquing my interest to no end, head-on! I mean, eating and getting fed was pretty much one and the same till he came along! Who knew?!

I quickly got to introducing myself to him, welcoming him aboard and added too that I had a test coming up shortly and urgently needed to get back to my books! Dude was having none of that! He insisted I must point him elsewhere, where he could get some ‘real’ food! ‘How ’bout getting it done yourself Francis ,ei?!’ ‘Surely, if you recognize that one meal tastes awfully bad, then am guessing its because you possess the culinary skills and know-how, to go rustle something more befitting of your royal taste buds, can’t you now’?! I chipped in matter-of-factly, whilst picking up my books and making for my class as the test was just ’bout ready to start! He grinned and said I’ll definitely like to see you again and with that, he left! Never quite knew he had it in him to…..smile?! Surprise, surprise!

I turned his tour guide for the period he was with us and I remember a social function was billed to hold at my department at some period in time! I’d invited him over to come hang out with me and my colleagues! It was an event that promised to be exciting with foods, drinks, friends and good times! He obliged me and I got us two bottles of the well spiced up local non-alcoholic beverage otherwise known as ‘Zobo’ drink, pretty popular in that part, for us to drink; in line with my getting him more familiar with the offerings and tastes of his new environment! While I downed my beverage, he dawdled on his! I eventually trashed the empty bottle and he gives me his saying he’d had enough! I was pretty taken aback cause he hardly drank up to a quarter of the contents of that beverage and so, I emptied the remaining on the lawn and trashed the bottle! The following dialogue ensued thereafter:

Him: Yemi, are you sure those grasses stand any more chances of ever growing again?!

Me: However do you mean Francis?!

Him: I mean, seeing as my saliva’s toxic and venomous; don’t you suppose you’ve done a major harm to the poor grasses where you just emptied my ‘undrunk’ Zobo beverage, ei?!

I was pretty conflicted at this point and didn’t quite latch on to whatever the heck he was harping on ’bout, so I asked ‘Can you quit speaking jungle and speak English already?!

Him: Why didn’t you just drink the bloody thing?! There, I said it! After all, you just downed yours so fast and I can quite tell and appreciate the fact that you actually did love it! So, why didn’t you just do same with mine rather than having to waste it like that?! Pray, tell!

I stormed off laughing myself raw, before returning again to thrash things out with him!

Me: Hold on Francis, you REALLY expected that I’d drink from your bottle like seriously?!

Him: Why, that’s such a bad idea I see!

Me: No, it isn’t, but you didn’t exactly share or partake of mine so why should I yours ehn?!

Francis: Just because! It was the right thing to do!

Me: Says who?! You really are serious then aren’t you?! No kidding?!

And at that, he blew me off, shrugged and returned to his usual grumpy self! Some things never change, I said aloud and may as well have been talking to a wall! He totally just ignored me!

Francis was the absolute perfect stranger! He was usually moody but beneath all of that was this great guy, really brilliant with a beautiful persona and insanely crazy sense of humor!  I never really got round to asking ’bout the ‘eating’ and ‘feeding’ thingy, to know if he was practically just fooling around in his bid to starting up and initiating a conversation with me, but that line was a win in all of its ridiculous totality! Worked for me like absolutely!

Images courtesy of flickr.com

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Guess Who Rode Into Town In A Truck?!…..Why, Its Santa Claus!

This is a detailed account of an event I experienced a few years back while in College! I’d actually thought to put it up on my blog as a Special Christmas Edition, but seeing as the ‘Eternal Mischief Maker’ has sprung up a surprise on me, I’m left with none other option than to share it on this glorious platform that’s served as home, and still is; since happening upon it in the month of January, and that folks, feels like several lifetimes! How time doth flies! Phew!

Thank you so much  Dr Temitope Ogundare, who I especially love to call ‘Doc’, for this great opportunity of sharing the same stage and platform as and also with you! To say am totally overwhelmed is putting it real mildly and de-emphasizing it a lowly, lowly notch!

You’ve had such an enormous impact on my life and well, its been great knowing you! I would never have ventured into blogging but for you! I don’t consider myself a writer, pretty expressive; yes, but a writer, NAH! I’d rather like to think of myself as a ‘goofer’, I enjoy getting my silly on and just goofing off! I don’t aspire to publish any written materials in my life time and well, I really don’t take myself seriously!

Since meeting and associating with you however, I’ve learnt anew never to say never! I mean, who woulda thought I’d wind up a blogger, ‘goofer’, whatever?! Definitely and of a certainty not me! I totally have you to blame for that! Thanks again, the ‘goofer’ is mighty honored and by golly, I shan’t forget; I shall repay! God bless and keep you and yours babycakes, you more than rock pieces! Much love, hugs and kisses, and yeah; Happy Holidays to you and most especially, yours!

So, school was out and the holidays was upon us! It was the Yuletide season and everyone was pretty pumped up and getting ’bout set to let their hair down, put their feet up, and just unwind and dial down on all the work’s that’s gone forth over the past few months; seizing the days and getting into the groove of things! And well, I certainly was no exception!

Everyone was in a mad dash to get back home to their loved ones spread across various, different towns and cities! Not wanting to be caught up in the crosshairs of all the madness and hullabaloo going on around and about me, I decided to chill awhile in school, stall and allow for the early travelers to leave, before getting a move on myself! That was soon gonna prove to be the biggest mistake and by far the wrongest decision I’d ever have had to make!

You see, I schooled partly in Niger State, and in the town I was, there really wasn’t a direct bus back then enroute Lagos! You’d either have to travel to Minna township to get a direct bus, or stick it out where you are by commuting to another nearby town, say Ilorin for instance! From whence you’d then board a direct bus to Lagos! I didn’t wanna do Minna, I had too many luggage and it was not gonna be any fun just slinging those ’bout my shoulders! I decided to go the Ilorin route! As far as I was concerned, Ilorin township was a lot closer Lagos than Minna! Aint no friggin’ ways am I backtracking! Plus, I’m not really big on road trips and travel, totally NOT suckers for it! Yuck!

Having lingered at the park for awhile, with absolutely no promises of any buses whatsoever coming along, I’d struck friendship with two other female students and co-travelers, also Lagos bound like me! We therefore got talking; becoming fast friends! Along  came this beautiful truck! It looked mighty new, very clean and the trucker, was alright too from my standpoint! He was well spoken, a graduate who’d decided to work the trucks for a bit since he couldn’t find his dream job after a long search! His demeanor was calm, cool and collected! Dude was kinda fly and I wondered how he coulda settled for such a preoccupation!

Well, he offered he’d give us a free ride to Lagos and that was like a dream come true! I hesitated for a bit since I’d never had to hitch a ride with a complete stranger but my situation couldn’t be helped or so I berated myself into believing! You see, I needed to get home to my folks in time for Christmas! Plus, I figured; what’s the worst that could possibly go wrong! I was riding alongside my new found friends and amongst us three, if this dude as much as tried to make a false move, we’d take him out effortlessly without breaking a sweat! Like we’re tough like that, you simply don’t wanna step to us or test us! Hmph!

The journey got underway! We all got talking and I was seated closest to him on the passengers’ side of the seat! We made a brief stop at a nodal town to re-boot and get us something to wolf down on! This trucker dude was pretty generous, he practically picked up our tabs! And I be like ‘Santa Claus has surely come to my tropical town, riding solo and high up in a truck as opposed to the sleigh being drawn by the Reindeer! Ho! Ho!! Ho!!!’!

At that point, I was so thankful and elated he’d swung right by! For all I knew, I may have spent another night in that town! The good times were surely rolling by and hoo boy, was I having a ball! What is this the High Definition (HD) in not only 3D but several ‘D’s’ of coolness or what?! Oh yeah!

Hours after getting back on our journey, the trucker dude took a long look at me and said ‘So I take it you’re my girlfriend now and we’re dating’! Huh?! Okay, I absolutely didn’t see that coming and I thought to myself, ‘I’ve been kidded a lot, Oh surely he kids’!

When I said nothing, he asked if I’d heard what he’d just said and I responded in the affirmative, but told him he couldn’t possibly be serious! I mean, who does that?! He laughed cynically, and said he was darn serious! Still, I thought nothing of his jibes and I convinced myself he was probably just teasing and goofing around! What he did next would shake me to my very core!

He just stepped on the gas and assured us we were all gonna die  for shizzie, unless I said yes! He went on to ask me if I really thought he was ‘Father Christmas’ or something! After all; we were getting a free ride and what’s more, he’d picked up our tabs at the restaurant we stopped to dine! Its not like I couldn’t pick up my own tab or pay my way through, he offered and as the noble lady that I am, I accepted! What’s the big deal in that, I retorted back at him! Doggone it!

Those days, I used to be really stubborn and will not be waltzed over by any, or made a doormat of! I’d rather damn the consequences of whatever and just call the bluff of whoever! I was pretty young, wild, free and incredibly stupid! Hot and bone-headed! I told him to go on ahead and kill us all, aint no ways am I gonna get bamboozled into doing what I don’t wanna! I reiterated to him again to make my day, after he’d continued on with his tell-tale threat, flapping off his gums!

This didn’t augur quite well with my fellow traveling companions, who continually yelled at me, tugging at my arm to just say yes and save us all a trip to the land of no return! I rebuffed ’em, and this trucker dude cranked up the heat and turboed right along the way! He suddenly became our worst nightmare, the perfect storm and I thought to myself ‘however did I get so lucky hitching a ride with a loonie’?! This road trip was a total bust and I…… well; I goofed big time, like don’t I already know it! Oh Wow!

Any, who’s pretty familiar with northern routes will know that many a times, those roads tend to be really lonely, almost like a ghost town! You could go as far as 2km sometimes, with not a single motorist in sight! Needless to say, it was a thoroughfare and dude sped right on, like he was ‘Mark 9’ of the famed ‘Speed Racer’ Cartoon Series! That was like being on the Highway to Heaven and his truck was new, in perfect working condition!

Amidst the screaming, bickering girls and truck practically leaping and flying, I started getting really terrified and frantic, but I neither buckled nor gave myself away! My outlook was that of a very calm person, well in control of herself and one who was on top of things! The truth though was, I was a hot pot of mess, with raging and waging emotions within! I was boiling hot within with a mixture of fear, anger and rage! As time went by, cracks began to show under the well rehashed, impeccable facade I put on, and so, naturally; I stopped playing hard ball and told him I’d be his girlfriend! Immediately and as though a switch was flipped, he slowed down to the barest minimum and became really calm, driving with such gentility and I was like ‘What’s with this dude anyway, is he really for real?! Whatever have I gotten myself into now?!

With his right hand, he ran his fingers through my hair saying ‘Smart girl, you really are a toughie, spunky; just the way I like my girls and you did do the right thing’! Continuing, he said ‘rest assured, no one will be dying today; at least not by my hands and on my watch’! At that, I cringed and swore to myself that if ever I did get out alive and apiece, I’d NEVER hitch a ride with a total, complete stranger however long I lived! No matter how fly they appear or how dope their rides are, or even and especially; how desperate a situation am in to get from one location to the next! Oh no Jose! That is so NOT gonna happen again! Never again!

After that twisted encounter, all three of us were pretty tensed, not saying a word and just listening in on the music blaring from the truck’s stereo! We were willing that time would quickly go by and we’d arrive our destination and get away from our ‘abductor’?! He on the other hand was so engrossed in his driving activity, ensuring not to go above a certain speed limit, just to make good his promise of driving safely since I’d already became his ‘girlfriend’! And boy did he do a bang-up job too if i do say so myself! ‘Cooreepy’!

Sure enough, we arrived Ikorodu town and the other girls told me we should disembark from there! You’d probably think that at this juncture I’d do exactly that to escape from the trucker’s claws but no, I bluntly refused telling ’em I was still pretty much a very far distance away from home as he’d promised he’d drop us off at  the popular Ojota Bus Terminal! They scampered off, wishing me all the luck I was sure to be in dire need of! Some buddies those were! I mean with friends like ’em, who needs foes, right?! I continued on with him to Ojota, putting on a brave face, like I wasn’t scared! Deep down, I was praying silently!

We arrived Ojota Motor Park! He pulled over, stepped out the truck and helped get my luggage and then said the craziest thing….. ‘Did you REALLY think for a second that I’d kill us all’?! At that, he bursted out laughing, saying he was just catching his fun at our expense and that he infact had a swell time! ‘Perhaps we can do this again’?! He asked, to which I smiled sweetly and responded ‘Not on your life dude and not in this lifetime! Never again’! He handed over my luggage, got back into his truck amidst laughter and zoomed right off, never to be again seen or heard from again! Now that, was a close call!

I got home in one piece, reunited with my folks and had me a merry little Christmas! I only squealed to my brothers ’bout my misadventure! My parents however, I totally kept in the dark! They’d have made a minced meat outta me if they knew I as much as dared to even just talk to a stranger, much less embark on several hours of journey, across states with one!  That woulda been really foolhardy as I’d never hear the last of it! So, better safe than sorry I figured and of course; I swore my brothers to secrecy not to breathe a word of what I’d just let ’em in on, to anyone especially mum and dad! That woulda been Ludacris, a death sentence!

Since then and till now, I DON’T hitch rides with strangers, nuh-uh! Who knows who I’d be riding with next, if I as much as gave it another go! The horror! Plus, am certainly NOT in no mood to find that out either! I mean, I’ve been there, done that; once bitten, a gazillion times over shy! That would be me alright! You bet!

Thanks so much for reading folks, and do ensure to have y’all a merry little Christmas and a very Happy and fulfilling ’15 in advance! Stay safe and mighty blessed! Remember also, that Jesus Christ is the reason for the season and don’t forget to show a little love to the less privileged and all those you come across this Yuletide season, in dire need! Love’s an action, far above and beyond mere words; so Jellybeans, let’s give of ourselves this magical season cause therein lies true fulfillment! My word! God bless and keep us all, Shalom! Mwah!

All images courtesy of http://www.google.com

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Was It Something ’bout That Kiss Then?! Hmm……

So, I’ve been pretty pre-occupied lately and all my pastime and vocations like blogging and things, have suffered minor setbacks as I pretty much put ’em on the back burner, to allow for me to give my undivided attention to other pressing matters on the homefront!

I was chillin’ in my crib awhile back when my phone buzzed! I set ’bout opening up my Blackberry window and saw a broadcast sent in by my childhood friend and BFF, Elmo! My interest was piqued as I read through the message informing me of a two-day Pre-Christmas Sales Fair she had planned up for the 29th and 30th of November! She wanted to know if I was game and will be hopping on the bandwagon! I answered her in the affirmative while also deciding to pass the night over at her crib, to afford both our daughters the opportunity to do a sleepover and play catch up since it’d been awhile we all hung out together!

 Plans were underway, I got all dressed and decked up in this pretty fabulous halter-necked maxi number sweeping the floor, with a decent exposure of my shoulders and arms!  By noon of the 29th, my boo drops off our little angel and I at the venue of the event that promised to be super-duper, mega fun amidst a lotta fanfare! Without much ado, I located Elmo at our designated stand! I’d brought along some of my wares I planned disposing of and so, I quickly set about arranging and displaying ’em neatly on the racks, after hugging and exchanging  pleasantries with Elmo and everyone else!

There were a host of vendors with an array of miscellaneous items up for sales, a Disc Jockey on the ‘ones and twos’ spinning the wheels of steel, and pretty much, the fair was agog with so much pomp and pageantry! Everything was coming together and we awaited the arrival of patrons and early holiday shoppers!

 

So, while arranging my wares, I felt a lil bit uncomfortable where I stood doing my thang! I figured I was being watched, cause I felt like a hole was being bore into my being! You know that feeling you get when a person gazes at you soo long and hard you practically begin to have hot flushes all over?! Yeah, that was it and it didn’t feel good! I mean, I looked good and all, but did I feel good?! Nah!

Taking the initiative, I decided to steal a glance at this ‘peeker’ and I found this guy, seated with the DJ! I called Elmo’s attention to him and she told me he’d been disturbing her long before I arrived, mumbling incoherently, something she really couldn’t make out! I suggested we engaged the DJ and have the stranger removed from the venue, so he doesn’t scare off potential customers! The DJ responded that the guy was not with him and his ‘tag alongs’! They didn’t report together for the gig he supplied, plus; its really not his place as DJ, and neither is it part of his job description to send anyone off of from the venue! ‘I’m no bouncer’, he retorted! I laughed at that bit the DJ said and really, who would  blame the poor guy though, I mean; dude was looking all sinister with blood-shot eyes, clean appearance though, funny demeanor and well, he creeped the life outta me, out of us all!

Besides, we were basically females and kiddies teeming the venue; save for the Scare-Eddy Cat DJ and his minions! We thus decided to leave him be and prayed hard that he doesn’t do anything real stupid like pulling a weapon on us or something equally and menacingly crazy!

 At a point, I just banished the thoughts of the scoundrel outta my mind and got into the groove of things, totally immersed in what I was doing, swaying and gyrating slowly to the beats blaring,  amidst arranging and re-arranging my wares! Suddenly, I decided to take a time out and look the way of this mysterious guy and what I found was quite startling! The seat on which he’d hitherto sat was completely empty! He was nowhere to be found or so I thought till I heard a pretty frightening voice behind me! I turned around sharply to behold him face to face at such a close proximity! Oh boy, this is so not looking good, what now?!

At this point, I became really frantic and scared outta my wits! He opened up his mouth to address me and well, he reeked like he was the freakin’ brewery! The chap was wasted, high! I gave him a once over from top to bottom and then it dawned on me that this was no ordinary or ‘normal’ person you could get into a logical conversation with, a lotta wisdom was gonna be needed to wriggle outta this one! *sighs*

He mumbled something to me I didn’t quite catch or latch on to; but I just warded him off with a wave of my hands, not wanting to entertain or give him the time of day! The heavily-ladened, alcoholic-riddened breath wasn’t helping matters either! I thought I was gonna puke, if I didn’t get rid of him fast enough! I quickly turned my back on him with an ‘excuse me’ and continued with my business of tending to my wares and then it happened!

 I heard a smack, smack sound and felt a sudden sloppiness and coolness upon my shoulders and arm! Puzzled, I turned around in his direction and dude was hungrily kissing away at my shoulders and arm! I was stunned speechless, in a total state of daze, shock and disbelief at his effrontery and audacity! He totally threw me off course and his actions literally blew me off like WHOA!  I tried processing what was going down and I came up empty! Clueless! Plus, it happened really fast too that I didn’t stand a chance whatsoever of wrenching myself off of his smacks! When I came to, he had this self-satisfying look on his face; whilst slowly backing away from me grinning, blowing me kisses with his hands and saying aloud and coherent for the very first time ‘You’re fine’! Everyone who saw what just happened were befuddled, time froze and they all just stopped dead in their tracks, unmoving and taking in the whole scenario playing out in front of ’em to their amazement or should that be horror?! Plus, they were anticipating what would happen next!

I watched him go in a daze! He lingered for a bit at the DJ’s pavilion and just like what legends are made of, this mysterious guy practically just disappeared in much the same way as he appeared and no one saw him again after that strange episode with me playing lead role and character, alongside him so effortlessly to; I should add! I mean; together, we gave such a stellar, award-winning performance! Ugh!

Something however happened after all that drama and it pretty much got me wondering if it had anything to do with the unsolicited kiss I received from this guy from the other side of the track! Call me superstitious and or delusional, but I think in a way, that dude was my good luck charm! You see, right afterwards, patrons thronged into our shed and patronized us like crazy and sales picked up dramatically and in a most unusual, uncanny way!

 

Moreso, folks took an instant liking to me, buying my stuffs amidst several hugs and kind words! Everyone around me marveled and asked what it was ’bout me that made folks just flock around me and I told ’em they should maybe try and go get smacked and smothered with sloppy kisses on their arms and shoulders by a drunken, stoned and wasted fella, with blood-shot eyes and incoherent speech! That works like magic, I’m living proof after all like duh!

I just couldn’t help reminiscing a piece I’d read on the adorable Chisom Ojukwu’s ‘Words are Work’ blogsite, a little less than a week before this incidence! A pretty moving tale of love, compassion and the milk of human kindness bordering on a guy from the other side of the track and an undergraduate lady with handsome finesse and decorum, who in a spur of the moment; planted a quick one on the cheeks of this unsuspecting guy who’d rendered her a favor after much pleas and appeal! She gives him a peck on disembarking at her stop and made a quick getaway that he didn’t get the chance to react, till the bus got a move on and then he broke down in tears, crying and saying to himself that he would never measure up to finding such an authoritative figure-form of a lady, educated, pristine and classy; since he was a drop-out and ‘no-gooder’! His passengers did all to pacify him but he just cried! Uw!

I read that bit and it tugged at my heartstrings! Somehow, this seems to be like a reversal of roles of that tale! You know, like the tables were turned and this time around, the guy on the other side of the track was the one at the receiving end, calling the shots! Spooky or not!

The day ended on a very happy note! I made me some cool bucks, made new acquaintances; forged new relationships, hung out with my BFF and well, had a rollercoaster fun ride on the wild side! I mean, what would you call getting smothered by some stranger on a mission to just smack away at another stranger at a Sales Fair?!

A big thanks to you Smacker! You’re my angel and good luck charm and If ever you get to read this, know ye this……I gat only mad love for thou and don’t you ever forget! God bless and keep ya! Mwah, right back at cha; didn’t get a chance to return the favor, even though on the second day of the fair; I was practically looking over my shoulders to see if you were anywhere close by, hovering menacingly and gingering up for perhaps a re-enactment or NOT?! But hey! Better late than never init?! You bet! *winks*

All images courtesy of http://www.google.com

 

 

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Nabbed

I’d just graduated High School, a couple months previous and was awaiting my admission to College! At this time, I was going rock steady with my then boyfriend and now heartthrob and hubby, in a relationship! I however decided to get me an holiday job to keep busy whilst waiting for my admission to pull through! Thanks to an aunt of mine who was so well connected and a social butterfly by all standards, I landed a great, very lucrative job, well paying for a student like me and I pretty much just lived it up! Life couldn’t be more beautiful for me at that point in time! I mean; school was out temporarily, I had the absolute perfect boyfriend, a ‘dreamboat’ he was, still is! I could pay my way through without having to resort to just the allowances I got from my folks; which had pretty much stopped coming in once I clinched that job by the way and well,  I was homefree as a bird! Freedom’s blissfully blissful, I mean, why the heck not! You’re. Only. Young. Once. YOYO, right?! Oh yeah! *nodding affirmatively*

So, after a very hectic day at work, I get off of my shift and get ready to head on home! Getting to the park, there was a throng of people; just waiting to get aboard a bus, all lined up and waiting their turns! I fall in line and before long, my bus appears and we all file in orderly! I planted myself beside the guy who was directly before me on the queue, the bus fills up and we get a move on!

All was quiet and tranquil till my commuting companion, who was such a delightful eyeful if I say so myself; engages me in a chit-chat! Over time, we were yacking away like long lost buddies, chattering whilst being so chummy and carefree, pretty sucked into the convo; oblivious of the on-goings around us! You know what they say ’bout things not staying sunny in ‘Pleasantsville’ forever?! Yep! I was ’bout to find that out, the hard way!

Minutes from our destination, I felt a nudge from behind me! I thought absolutely nothing of it, I mean, why should I?! Who in their right minds nudges a complete, random stranger on a bus ride and whatever for?! Thinking nothing of it,I shrugged it off as an error and continued on in my chitty-chatter with my fellow commuting companion, without not so much as a backward glance!

Again, I felt a prodding from behind me! This time around, it was slightly different! Certainly not a gentle tapping, more like a light blow! In my mind, I figured; twice is no accident and there was nothing subtle ’bout this particular ‘pounding’! Bracing up, and rising to the challenge, I was ready to give the pesky fella a teensy-weensy, ‘teeny-tiny’ piece of my mind; a tongue-lashing he/she would live to remember in a very long time! I can get really lethal at times like this that you really don’t wanna mess with me and be in on my bad side, its brutal I promise! Hmph!

Turning around in my seat slowly, whilst rehearsing the best lines I’d managed to come up with; I was ’bout opening up my mouth in protest to release and spew out the arsenals I’d concocted, when it hit me!  I mean, he hit me HARD! I beheld his face and peered into his eyes! Those all-too-familiar beautiful eyes, that are definitely anything but alien to me! Except well this time around, if looks could kill, I’d be six foot under! Aint nuttin’ cute ’bout ’em at this point!  Mischief and daredevilry glowingly radiated from deep within and they seemed to tell a tale! One which could best be summed up as ‘Busted, you’ve been caught with both your ‘paws’ in the cookie jar; so what do you have to say for yourself now’?! Damn! I just messed up, I’ve been had! What a spoiler! Grrrrrrrr!

At this point in time, I was too shocked to utter a word, seeing as those words hung suspended in my mouth, and my mouth in turn was pretty wide agape for the obvious reason that I just beheld my then boyfriend and now heartthrob slash hubby! I quietly assumed my normal seating position, only now, I was wearing a pale ghostly look and well, Cat caught my tongue! My commuting companion was totally lost and demanded to know what that was all ’bout, genuine concern written all over his cute face!

Muscling up some much needed inner strength, I told him my boyfriend was seated right behind me and he’d been listening in on our conversation the whole time, whilst watching our antics! Moreover, am guessing he decided to register his presence; when he’d about heard and had enough of our conversation!

It was his turn to launch into silent mode, while he attempted to steal a glance at the ‘stalker’, who seemed to be enjoying our nascent discomfiture and awkwardness! So, pretty much for the rest of the journey, we kept to ourselves!

The bus pulls up at the final stop, and one after the other; everyone disembarks! To salvage an already awkward situation, I spoke up and it went a little something like this….. ‘Em……..Nosa, meet Tony my boyfriend, Tony……Nosa, my …..friend’?!

They shook hands, with me just standing there and with a wooden look on my face, Nosa said his byes and with a slight droop of his shoulders and crestfallen looks, he left us there; disappearing into the dark night!

My boyfriend scornfully went on to apologize for ruining and putting a damper on what may have possibly developed into a date, with possibly the exchange of contacts and what not! One look at him, and I told him to piss off! I was too embarrassed to think he’d been following right from when I got off work, boarded two buses at different times and stops, plus, I was absolutely clueless, as in I was right off the ‘Cluelessville Express’, at super-turbo; with such good-spirited gusto! Was none the wiser!  Hoo boy! Seriously?! Jeez!

I feigned anger and he pulled me closer in a warm embrace and said it was alright really and that he actually did enjoy every bit of the time he spent on that bus ride! And well, he was laughing his head off! I hit him on his back playfully, joined in his mirthful laughter, we held hands and proceeded on home!

Thank goodness my conversation with my commuting companion hadn’t veered towards murky waters or anything you’d consider inappropriate! We just well, talked! That was a close call, Phew! Just supposing the guy asked me out and I said yes, I wonder what my boyfriend woulda done then! I posed that question to him and he said he was sure I’d turn Nosa down outrightly!  Aw! Such great trust!

In closing, and as an aside, I recently watched this feature on Crime and Investigation, where a woman attempted killing her hubby! She thereafter waited several minutes to be sure he was history before putting a call through to 911! The paramedics arrived the scene, swung into action and miraculously felt a pulse! He was immediately rushed to the ER, and after a much successful surgical procedure, he lived to tell the story of the vicious attack he suffered at the hands of none other person than his wife! He identified her as his assailant to the cops and she was later arrested, tried and thrown into the slammer for attempted homicide!

It got more interesting when the narrator reeled out these following lines in closing…. ‘Murder 101: You REALLY wanna make sure your victim’s dead, before the paramedics and the cops show up”! That got me tearing up and laughing myself beyond sore! Where am I going with all these ramblings, I can almost hear you scream into my ears! Well, chillax guys and just work me here! Are we cool now?!

Here goes….so, like me, whenever you feel the desperate need to  embark on a ‘charm offensive’ and  take your ‘flirtatious skills’ on a test drive of the town….. unlike me, ensure your partner’s not within ‘ear and or eye shot’! Else like me again, you’d get nabbed and unlike me….. with your hands really dirty! And in my usual characteristic manner, you can thank me for this heads-up, no charge! I mean, really!

All images courtesy of http://www.google.com

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